TIPS

Great article by Ann Altman. It is all over the web.
I have added my own comments in bold below hers.


Fri Aug 15, 8:08 AM ET

When I tell people I work at an insurance company, I feel I need to explain myself. Sure, I work in insurance, but I'm "in insurance" about as much as a Giants Stadium security guard is "in professional football." See, I'm a temp. An outsider. My industry? Survival.

I perform and write comedy, which in my case is not lucrative. So I temp and do my funny business on the side. Since moving to New York I've strung together about a dozen long-term temp gigs at big-time, fancy-pants companies. Now, a year after settling in, I still don't know a thing about insurance. But I know a whole lot about surviving in a bureaucracy. Here are five tips from a bitter temp:

1. Relish The Comfort Of Corporate Largesse. Two jobs ago I shared a conference table in a windowless room with 12 other people five days a week. My last gig was a step up: an office in the Empire State Building, a jewel of an historic building with climate control from another century. Imagine my delight when I arrived at my current job to find not only my own air-conditioned cubicle, desk, phone, computer, and Aeron (MLHR) chair, but a nearby pantry stocked with free coffee, milk, and cereal -- including my guilty pleasure, Corn Pops (K).

Temping or contracting are really the same thing..You are fungible in either case. I have worked in dozens of companies as a contractor. I never get too worked about where my office is. Cube, hard-wall, window. I just don't care. My preference is an out of the way office that no one else wants or even a remote cube. I am not staying for long so I have learned to do without this status symbol. Even if I was an employee I would act the same. Offices are things that people can hold over you in the power game. They create attachment and I don't want that. I don't want a window office. They are not paying me to look out the window.

2. Learn The Jargon, But Use It Carefully. Each time I'm assigned to a new company, it's like moving to a new country. I've got to learn the local language. In my current office, the underwriters talk about "sublimits," "percentage deductibles," and "quota-share excess renewals." It's Greek to me. There's also an account service notification form, otherwise known as an ASNF. Say that one aloud and see if you don't laugh as hard as I did.

I learn the language and acronyms just so I can navigate the business. After leaving I promptly forget them. They take up to much storage space.

3. Follow The Manual, Keep Your Sense Of Humor. Bureaucracies are big on protocol. There's a right way to do everything -- like recording your voice mail message. My company manual suggests this: "Hello. This is Anne Altman. I am unavailable . Please leave a message and I'll return your call as soon as possible. Thanks and have a nice day." Here's what I'd really like to say: "Hi. This is Anne Altman and I'm screening your call. I will most likely reply to your voice mail with an e-mail so I don't have to speak with you. Buzz off."

If you don't follow the manual eventually someone will come and tell you that you broke the rules. There's always a sheriff in town and their little deputies. After all this is their town. I will turn in my guns to the sheriff when I enter a town but I like them to know that I am just passing through.

4. Drink The Kool-Aid, Just Don'T Chug It. Bureaucracies are little subcultures that sometimes seem more like cults. Take sales meetings. They bear a cult's telltale signs: leader [an over-caffeinated VP of sales], mantra [Accelerate in 2008!], big production number ["The Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades"], and ritualistic insignia [logo-emblazoned totes]. I sit in the back where nobody can catch me scrawling "KILL ME PLEASE" on my handout.

I don't even sip the Kool-Aid because I simply don't want to stay too long. I don't tell my client that. I might even place the glass up to wet my lips but I don't take any in. I go so far as to try not to attend Friday beer bashes and company meetings. I drive by all sorts of buildings in the Valley where I once worked. It is like driving by a restaurant where I once had a meal.

5. Don'T Get Too Comfortable. Settle in. Master the language. Sip the Kool-Aid. But remember: You could be out on a moment's notice. I was once denied a dollar-an-hour raise. At first I was insulted. But the next week two execs were canned with no notice, led down the hall like criminals, and spirited out with a "We'll mail you the contents of your desk." Young guys right out of college were speechless. Me? I poured myself a bowl of Corn Pops and sat back down in my Aeron chair.

Over 31 years, I have been laid off 4 times as an employee and have escaped half dozen other potential RIF's. I can't remember how many people I have RIF'd or walked to the door after they had been fired. Every single one of my contracts has ended. Either I say enough or the client says, thanks but time to go. THAT IS MY JOB! TO LEAVE!

The manager gives me the ball and tells me to pitch an inning or two. Then he takes it back and I return to the bullpen.

Luxury is not having to be comfortable.

I've adapted so well to my new environment that my boss wants to offer me a job, make me legit: an underwriter. "So, Anne," he said. "Do you like insurance?" After some stalling I said: "Look, I don't understand this stuff, but I love the cereal here. I love the chairs. I really, really like a few of the people, and I'd like to stay. How can we make that happen? Could I have a demotion? Order staplers and stuff? That I know how to do."

Anne!

ANNE!

RUN THE OTHER WAY!

_______________________________________________________________________________

I ran 26 minutes today.

SARAH PALIN NUDE!

McCain chose former hottie, Sarah Palin as his running mate. Happily us American males responded in our classic manner. We went to the internet and typed in Sarah Palin, nude photos. All that has shown up so far is the above picture. Naturally we are very disappointed because it's not as if we don't have enough access to nude pictures on the web. It's just more fun to see naked pictures of a woman who might be the next Vice President of the United States. I promise you very few would have done this same exercise if it had been Hillary Clinton. We did out Doctor Laura and even Donna Reed so anything is possible.

Thankfully, despite the initial setbacks, the search goes on.

____________________________________________________________________________________

Turns out that Robert Mugabe, who has his countrymen bullied and killed on a regular basis to stay in power, is a very generous man.

HARARE (Reuters) - Zimbabwe President Robert Mugabe on Friday handed the country's only Olympic medalist in Beijing a $100,000 cash reward for her performance at the games.



Swimmer Kirsty Coventry smashed the world record to win gold in the women's 200 meters backstroke. She also captured three silver medals.

Mugabe handed the U.S-based swimmer the cash at a ceremony in Harare carried live on state television.

"Our national spirit must exude joy and pleasure and say you have done well, daughter of Zimbabwe. We are proud of you, we wish you well. She's our golden girl ... take care of her," he said at the ceremony.

Excuse the language but what a bunch of crap! Next the IOC will be asking him to host the 2016 Olympics.

________________________________________________________________________________

I ran 24 minutes today. Dropped by the club annual handicap run, had breakfast. Big Mac called me the invisible man because I have not been around a great deal lately. I guess I am fading away.

I shall return! Or not....

Tactical-R-Us

This is the way I feel every morning that I have to go to this gig.


I took today off. I can't believe I am actually looking forward to a long weekend.

I don't know if I was totally successful in helping J take my place. Still to be seen. I did meet with R today and established that I would begin to withdraw to part time after D comes in next week. My client wants a purely tactical comp and benefits manager (or director; it changes hourly). That's what he told R so my hunch was right.

He does value the rest of the stuff guys like me do. He told R that he does not want any of that employee relations stuff. I am OK with that. It makes my withdrawal so much easier. I believe the client should get what he desires. My area of strength is not everyone's cup of tea.

I will transition D and begin to withdraw much more quickly than the USA will be getting out of Iraq.

The Time Traveler's Job

Yesterday was physically exhausting. A major part of this job entails being on my feet going to the copy room or the file room or (yes) the break room. The culture is such that if you want to talk to someone you walk down the hall to their office. The phone is there but not that important. Even my boss, the guy who contracted with me, says that this is the strangest place he has ever worked at.

It is that.

It is like a time machine that has taken me back to 1977. If it weren't for the computers I would swear that when I stepped out of the elevator at work I am in 1977.

I could adjust and that is what scares me.

A 1977 me probably would not have blinked at this position but the 2008 me blinks very hard. I am in Ancient Rome but wearing modern clothes and unable to much more than a few words of Latin. I have to go back to my own time. Things are done way too hard here. Unnecessarily hard. We go from one crisis to another even though no real crisis exists.
They are created to keep us all on our toes and running around with our heads cut off.

It is quiet now but if I stay around too long the next man made event will come looking for me. I would rather not be there.

I did not run today. I walked Amber. The good news is that the results of the MRI came back (finally). No tear. Just looks like I strained my calf. Now at least I know what I am dealing with.

Who the heck was that guy!

Another day working for the man. I am in the very beginning of a 3 step process of getting out of this job with honor. My friend J is looking for some work after being laid off. If he is willing to step in for me then all I need to do is to convince the other two parties that I have to leave.

J tomorrow for lunch and R for coffee later in the week. If both of them come on board then it is only a matter of my telling M that I need to leave for some bulls**t reason that I make up but that I have a replacement. It worked at one of prior contracts and it should work this time. The only rule I have is that the person who replaces me must know the score.

If all goes well, I will be the "who the heck was that guy" by mid September.

This is all getting way too familiar. I am still better at finding a job than staying in a job.

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After walking Amber, I ran 20 minutes this morning.

Fighting it out on the surface

If my boat is being rocked by depth charges than it is my own fault. Silent running isn't really working that well. My family sees the stress of the job and that isn't good. I am not hiding it well at all. It is widening my reality from theirs. I can't win either way. No money coming in. I lose. I stay in this job (or any like it) and I lose.

So I might as well surface and fight it out up there. Once defeat is inevitable you have nothing left to lose. So as far as my present situation goes, I accept that I need to get out as soon as possible. I have offered the job to a friend (with all its warts). He is out of work and might want to do it as a bridge job while he is out looking for his next career move.

As for me, when I look back at my recent posts I look out of control. It has been cathartic writing my frustrations out on this blog. It has helped.

On the exercise front: I ran 18 minutes today pain free. Taking it slow.

A Religious Lesson for Ryan Hall

I really do try and run to make God smile and to bring Him pleasure. My favorite times in running are when I am running and just pouring myself out on the track, going all out for Him. I feel like I am doing what God created me to do. There is no better feeling than that.

Ryan Hall on running and God


What if God is a woman?

Me


Ryan Hall just learned one of the great lessons of life. God may have told him to that he should run but God doesn't decide who wins Olympic marathons. Hall ran 2:12 and change and finished 6 minutes behind the gold medalist. I guess God took a day off from helping Hall. Instead he decided to help Wansiru who is only 5'4" tall and 112 pounds sopping wet.

The fittest runners win. They run the fastest times. Hall learned the same lesson that Paula Radcliffe learned in the woman's marathon, supposedly heroic though her effort was seen by outsiders. The fittest runner wins. Not the over trained, injured God believing one.

It's a crap shoot. It's best just to get yourself in reasonable shape and put yourself in position to have a chance to win. Hall was so far back at the half way point that a half dozen runners would have had to collapse for him to medal. Besides Ethiopians are Christians too.



Gold Samuel Kamau Wansiru 2h06:32
Silver Jaouad Gharib 2h07:16
Bronze Tsegay Kebede 2h10:00
4th Deriba Ejigu 2h10:21
5th Martin Lel 2h10:24
6th Viktor Rothlin 2h10:35
7th Gashaw Asfaw 2h10:52
8th Yared Asmerom Tesfit 2h11:11
9th Dathan Ritzenhein 2h11:59
10th Ryan Hall 2h12:33

Running to stay in the same place

I have decided to just gut through the next week and begin to push back on some of the fire drills. In fact I have already done this to some extent. This is almost Alice in Wonderland environment. It's Alice asking the Red Queen why she is running so fast.

Here it is from Alice in Wonderland.

Just at this moment, somehow or other, they began to run.

Alice never could quite make out, in thinking it over afterwards, how it was that they began: all she remembers is, that they were running hand in hand, and the Queen went so fast that it was all she could do to keep up with her: and still the Queen kept crying `Faster! Faster!' but Alice felt she could not go faster, thought she had not breath left to say so.

The most curious part of the thing was, that the trees and the other things round them never changed their places at all: however fast they went, they never seemed to pass anything. `I wonder if all the things move along with us?' thought poor puzzled Alice. And the Queen seemed to guess her thoughts, for she cried, `Faster! Don't try to talk!'

Not that Alice had any idea of doing that. She felt as if she would never be able to talk again, she was getting so much out of breath: and still the Queen cried `Faster! Faster!' and dragged her along. `Are we nearly there?' Alice managed to pant out at last.

`Nearly there!' the Queen repeated. `Why, we passed it ten minutes ago! Faster! And they ran on for a time in silence, with the wind whistling in Alice's ears, and almost blowing her hair off her head, she fancied.

`Now! Now!' cried the Queen. `Faster! Faster!' And they went so fast that at last they seemed to skim through the air, hardly touching the ground with their feet, till suddenly, just as Alice was getting quite exhausted, they stopped, and she found herself sitting on the ground, breathless and giddy.

The Queen propped her up against a tree, and said kindly, `You may rest a little now.'

Alice looked round her in great surprise. `Why, I do believe we've been under this tree the whole time! Everything's just as it was!'

`Of course it is,' said the Queen, `what would you have it?'

`Well, in our country,' said Alice, still panting a little, `you'd generally get to somewhere else -- if you ran very fast for a long time, as we've been doing.'

`A slow sort of country!' said the Queen. `Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place.

If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that!'

And as long as we are talking about running....

I ran 16 minutes today. No problems that I could see even though I am staying as flat as can on running surfaces and keeping the extra heel lifts insitu. It helped to shake out some of the stress from Friday's work-knee jerk day.

No Regrets

To survive my present assignment I am beginning to realize the following.

Exercise before you go to work.

The way things have been going so far, lunch gets run over by fire drills on a regular basis.

Take legal but effective doses of meds.

It makes it a warrior calmer than he can make himself. Calmness is key in weathering the f**king storm

Apologize on a regular basis.

You are inept at constantly surging amounts of admin work.

Realize that you will never be able to catch up.

This is Bataan. Not Leyte Gulf. You will win eventually but not on Bataan. If you stay in your present mode for long enough, there will be a death march and you will be in the middle of it.

If they decide to walk you out, be sure to help them.

Run for you car and don't look back.

No regrets.

You can't change what has already happened. You can only make sure that it doesn't happen again.

The Shores

I once worked in this building. My office overlooked the center portion of the structure. If I walked out on my balcony I was looking right down at the dock and the lagoon. But that was back in 1986 & 1987. For a brief time I both lived and worked in Redwood Shores.

I showed up at work late today. Didn't role in until around 10:30 AM. To top this I sneaked out for a half hour and ran 14 come back minutes over in Redwood Shores. It's a ten minute drive from where I work. It's a place where I lived at from early 1985 until late 1991. It's a planned, idyllic community with ducks and geese and trails and beautiful home. My wife cried real tears when we moved away. It s like visiting the past because even though the place has grown it basically remains the same. In late 1990 my running had slipped from my being an age group competitive 33 minute 10K runner to a point where it was difficult for mt to run 8 minute miles. I decided to shift to an every other day running pattern using a heart rate monitor to keep from over training. I HRM forced me to slow down further. Suddenly to get real recovery I was running 5 milers in 45 minutes.

Eventually over time, I got stronger, my pace quickened and I got mildly whipped myself back into 34-35 minute 10K range. I can remember what those HRM runs were like. I felt like i was running in jello.

Now it is 18 years later and I am out doing 10-11 minute miles, lugging along, trying to get myself back into some sort of condition where I actually feel like I am a runner again. 3 calf pulls have leveled me. I am more of a walker than a runner. I stand around better than I walk or run. If I can come back, the delta is wide.

Work: I am adjusting. This is not good. I know that I morph. I have trained myself to do it. It is what makes me effective as an influencer. I am going tribal. I can feel myself getting stronger. But it is not good. Not for me. Not at this point of my life. Not here. I find myself looking at the tall girl. She must be over 6 feet. Maybe she is in her 30's. I think about her. I feel like she knows that this hobbit-like older guy is eying her. I think I might creep her out. I am keeping my distance. We talk on email.

It's safe and distant. I am out of my league. I am a fish out of water. Maybe 30 years ago but not now. I

Aloof but friendly.

F-E-A-R.COM

I find myself in a world where how many hours you put in and how much you are willing to do with your own hands is highly valued. Working smart is not.

If I had to cast my client in a some sort of mold or type, I would best say that he is a penultimate defensive fighter, one who can ward off what is coming in but cannot develop and offensive strategy to win a war (in a manner of speaking). So everything is in response to. There is no real counter punch or an overall strategy where his people take the initiative. They are a nice group of very passive folks but they are also drones. Scared of their own shadows. Hard working but frightened.

Today I recommended that we have a brief meeting to update all concerned on an important topic that has been plaguing the company recently. The idea seemed to terrify those I asked. They would rather throw an issue around like a hot potato, while no has a real idea of why we are even dealing with potatoes, than sit down and develop an approach that might head off future issues. I could never pull the meeting together and frankly everyone seemed relieved when it didn't come off.

So the problems are not skin deep and fixable. They are at the core level. They have become part of the DNA and not fixable. This group needs a year of Dan, my very esteemed CFO friend, because the present CFO has taken them as far as they are going to go. He is the Claude Auchinleck of North Africa. The man who stopped Rommel at First El Alamein but could mount an offense. It took Montgomery to develop an effective offensive strategy to throw the Germans back to Tunisia where they eventually were surrounded and lost that part of the war. He is James Longstreet who always counseled that Lee fight defensive battles rather than risk attacking the enemy on their own ground.

So I am headed out to meet my friend Kathy for a Jamba Juice (our place of choice). One of the CFO's right hand men grabs me and ask for me to be involved in a call. I say that I will be glad to do as soon as I get back in about an hour. Everyone else is canceling their respective lunch plans and is looking on in horror.

I say, "Is it not OK for me to take lunch? I didn't take lunch yesterday and worked straight through. Is this the way it is here?"

I don't know anything about the issue anyway (I was never briefed) so before I start making calls I would like to understand what the problem is and why does it always come up just before lunch. Hence the meeting that no one wanted. It's like some unwinnable game. I know what I look like. I look like someone who is not a team player. I look like the short timer I am. I look and sound like everything I have always hated in other people.

But I act very contractorial, go to lunch and check in with the "team" when I get back. They have things under control. They don't need my help. They may have discounted me and that may have to be part of my own strategy. If I go along with this defensive, response oriented approach, I may go mad. I am already getting very snappish and that is very unconsultant-like behavior.

Last year the SF 49ers had a pretty good defensive team and they really did well as long as they never expected their offense to score. A 5-11 record says how that well that worked.

Kathy tells me I should get out. I know she is right. Everyone is telling me to get O-U-T. What's the matter with me?

By the way, I ran 10 minutes this morning after I walked Amber.

Silent Running

Silent running, a stealthy mode of operation for a submarine.

I am going into silent running mode at work and home. It is a Silicon Valley Warrior strategy. Go deep, keep silent and wait for destroyers to pass overhead. I might actually be on the bottom of Tokyo Bay or I might be Nemo's submarine in the 1860's. Not sure but in any case it will need to be THAT quiet.

This job requires a constant change up strategy because of the very backward nature of the work. It's like being thrown back into time. The office environment, except for the casual dress is very 1970's at best.

HR tools and systems interlinked with Finance are not held in high regard. They are non existent. The time saving factor that they would bring are not understood or valued. Pushing large amounts of paper is valued. So the only real impactful short term upgrade I bring is to influence HR headcount and try and convince the CFO that this is a two person job. The rest requires a longer term fight and I just don't want to be there too long. I will go into September, get the coordinator up to speed and then give my notice even if I haven't been told by that time to walk.

The Fault, dear Brutus

Queen Nefernefer sent me an email this morning mildly rebuking me on how to do the correct paperwork on a termination. She copied her boss. Now if M were still here she would have walked down and talked to her but M is gone and I am the bad replacement. I went right up to her and told her that this wasn't going to work with me. M may be gone but she could still walk down and just show me what my error was and I would make every attempt to fix it. I also asked her NOT to start up with the ccing tactic. In my world, you cc someone when there is a need to know, not to document a mistake unless of course you are trying to build a case.

She needn't worry. This gig is not my style and I will try to get out of here as quickly as possible. Right now I am making every attempt to act like I care.

So in the midst of a hectic morning I fought my first minor skirmish versus the chubby queen of payroll. Sorry Nefernefer that M is gone but she got burned out doing this job and I am here to cover the bases until we find the next player.

Of course I wondered why I acted this way. My first day on the job alone after two weeks of knowing that this was not the best place for me. I am on edge. I know that. Foolish commitments to all sides made by me. If I were being asked to really upgrade and change things then it would be a challenge. The one I wrote about several posts back. But my client, the CFO, just doesn't care.

He reiterates. "I guess I'll have to do it myself to do it right." I have heard that one at least a half dozen times in the last few weeks.

So, at the bottom of things, I am just an interim administrator. A job like this could drive a man to permanent retirement.

Cassius:

"The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars,
But in ourselves, that we are underlings."

Julius Caesar (I, ii, 140-141)

Worked 8 hours straight. No lunch so I took back the hour by just leaving the premises at 5 pm. Very clerk-like but not very like me. Got home and went out for a 30 minute walk with a 9 minute painless jog inserted in the middle. MRI tomorrow.

Sneaking Back

I have been quietly sneaking back into the running scene. I am literally doing it minute by minute.

Seriously.

I walked 70 minutes today and threw in an 8 minute jog in the middle. If the MRI comes up negative then what I am doing is probably the right thing. Just coming back very slowly and staying on the flats and thinking about where I want to be in about 6 months versus next week. Yesterday was 7 minutes. The day before 6 and so on.

I am really far down the feeding chain as far as running is concerned. I am a junior jogger back in the primordial swamp of my exercising existence. I walk therefore I am...

A WALKER!

I told Jake that once I am out of this job and school starts, we can go back to running the dam (or in my case the track.....at first) and then have breakfast.

I told my wife last night over wine that I would rather work than coach high school kids. It would be fun to help Jake now and then but going to the meets and actually trying to have serious conversations with teenagers is beyond my capacity. I can do it but it's not a abiding strength. I am lucky that I can talk to my son but these days he is 22 and knows more than I do. We get along. I like to hang out with him, smoke cigars, whatever.

Back to running. What would it take to create the perfect storm. In other words the right environment for me to train 30-35 mpw and not bonk.

1. Stop working at anything resembling stressful**. Work is a stress and I need to be very choosy about whether it adds or subtracts to my available energy reserves. OK, they are not what they were at age 30 or even 40 but relative to my age my competition, I still have some energy and the question is how to best tap it.

So bottom line: Less work.

2. Get enough sleep. Stress has eaten into my sleep. It's a vicious cycle. Fix number 1 and number 2 will take care of itself.

3. Eat well. That means not overeating but eat what I need to give me energy to compete and recover from my workouts. Eat enough t get down to fighting weight.

4. Be very smart about what I do when I train. I would like to run 5-6 days a week but it may be better to double and take every other day off. I will need to figure this out.

I should be able to do either if I take care of the first 3 items.

5. Learn how to compete again. On my terms but still competition. I can't even begin to approach this unless I take care of the first 4 items. This requires focus and I don't have that right now. I am focusing on not getting enough sleep and work stress and life stress and even though I am a poor man's millionaire, I worry about money. It is undermining things. I am still happy but that may be my nature. But I am not satisfied.

** This may require a work fast. In other words detaching myself from what I used to be when I needed to work because that is the way I am acting right now. I see my friends who have retired doing a good job of this but I, the career coach, the transition coach, can't seem to let go. A work fast means creating a qualifying event that takes me away from work as I know it and put it on my terms.

I need to accomplish the above five things this year. It's mid August already and time is slipping away.

M's Last Day

Yesterday was M's last day at my present gig. She was really burned out. Her disappointment and discontent flared regularly over the last week. She left suddenly at noon. It was an exclamation point to her last day. I knew she would be gone but the pure peace of it didn't really seep in until I got back from an hour walk. Of course it was Friday afternoon and Friday's can be deadsville in many companies. A few people drifted by asking if M was coming back in and I had to break the news.

"Nope. Gone."

Then they would drift off looking somewhat disappointed because now it was only me. The cute waitress who took such good care of them had left the building. Now it was mostly self serve. They'll never like me as much. The very thing that burned M out is the very thing they all appreciated. Heck, I appreciate it too. I just don't want to be that person anymore because I know the price one pays for being the only gateway in and out of the city. The only trash can in the office, if you will.

As I walked down the hall, it was as if I were invisible.

They were hoping the M would somehow miraculously return.

Mildly Exhausted

If New York is the City that never sleeps then I must live in New York.

But I live in Silicon Valley. Maybe for me, New York is just a state of mind because I drove past the Apple Campus the other day and I know that is in the Valley.

I am mildly exhausted. I am dropping off to sleep at various times of the evening and no doubt will nap away part of the weekend.

The new consulting job is overwhelmingly administrative and I am in the "learning process" with the teacher leaving mid day on Friday. No matter what I do, there will be work that I will have no idea (iota) of how to handle. The person I am succeeding will be reachable on a limited basis because she is starting a new job too next week. Between email and phone I will connect with her and in the meantime just accept that I will be very imperfect for the next little while.

The good news (and there in good news) is that I am bringing in an HR Coordinator in two weeks and we can team this thing until I can silently drop back to part time and let her do the day to day stuff. The problem is how to hold off the CFO (he means well) so I can just do the day to day tactical work and not make too many mistakes.

It is strange that my hiatus from running coincides with this new job. I shouldn't run anyway so that the calf can heal up. In any case, I really don't have much time to run anyway.

Work has closed its eager claws around my existence.

So much for time off. So much for sex, drugs and rock and roll. Just the office and it's pitiless reality populated with friendly people.

I haven't let them down yet.

That is coming.

If I can hang in there then all will change and it will not be as before. That will be good. Uncreating administrative mini-Ming Dynasties can be fun.

昭南島, Shōnantō

I have been thinking about a story idea. But then I am always thinking about stories. My document files are littered with story that I began and didn't finish. Death to a writer. The three book I did publish in the 1990's were ones where I stuck with it. This one may have the making of a book that needs to be written. I rattled off the plot to a friend the other day and she sort of hesitated and then said, "That could be a movie."

The idea is fairly simple.

Singapore in the early 1940's just before World War II and the Japanese invasion. Prostitutes are being killed in the city. Very Jack the Ripper style. A British detective who specializes in serial crimes is shipped off to Singapore to help solve the murders. He pursues the case and feels he is getting close when the war breaks out. He is so close to solving it (or so he believes) he keeps passing on chances to evacuate and ultimately gets caught in the net when the Japanese take the city. He is put in a prison camp. Should be the end of the story but the murders go on and in one of the murders a high ranking Japanese official is killed

The Japanese decide to put their best man on the case and in the course of following the trail he comes across the files of the British detective, finds out he is still alive and in Singapore and goes to interrogate him.

This begin a partnership of sorts between enemies who search together for the murderer.

The working title would be Shonanto which is Japanese for Southern City. It is the name they gave to Singapore after it was taken from the British in early 1942.

I am taking a deep breath right now and just trying to handle the new gig. Once I get that under control (if ever) then I can begin to think about the book.

Coming and Going

Two days into my new strategy. Still not up to speed on the admin part of the job but have decided just not to worry too much about it. I will figure it out OR NOT. I have already begun the back filling of the job. Will also try to get in a an admin part time without increasing cost. The key is to keep up the basic services and back fill the job. Not be a hero. I will come and go and be forgotten.

The illustration above reminds me of the place I am consulting at. Top heavy with paper and infrastructure but not with the best design for waging battle.

Called Tami and left her a voice mail (jokingly) to be my admin. She called me back asking me if I wanted her to be my bitch. She knows the score.

"How did you get stuck with this job," she asked.

I could feel her smirk.

Meanwhile back on the ranch, I was having a conversation with one of the IT guys and both us were chatting on about on-line tools where an employee or manager could go in and make their own changes. The departing HR manager looked at me and said very earnestly,

Then what would HR do?

I am not in Kansas anymore, Toto. I am not in the 21st century anymore. I am in some sort of HR time machine, thrown back to the 1960's and 70's in the days well before the concept of on-line tools was more than a flicker in someone's imagination.

The Priest

I am not sure how long ago this actually happened but I believe it was the summer before college. My good friend Dennis and I drove all the way down to San Jose to see the Egyptian Museum. It is a pretty neat place. The museum is build like an Egyptian temple complex and has one of the best collections of artifacts west of the Mississippi. As we perused the collection I noticed one tidbit, a ushabi*, a small figure that was marked as being from the 18th dynasty but had the dates from the 17th Dynasty. I was at the height of my Egyptian period and had read all of the great historical books on the subject that existed in the Burlingame library including Breasted and Steindorff among others.

I got the attention of one of the curators and asked him about it.

"Those dates are based on Steindorff," he told me politely.

"I have read Steindorf," I responded emphatically, "and those dates do not correspond to the dates in his book."

I could see the color draining from this guy's face.

"Well, I will talk to our historian," he said.

"I just thought you would want to know," I added. being young and stupid I should have realized that he didn't really want to know anything. Especially from a young kid like me.

As we walked around after that he followed us, dropping into the shadows if we turned and looked at him or pretending he was in the same room for other business. It was like this until we left to drive home. He acted like some Karloffesque priest. In succeeding years one or both of us would return to the place and he was always there, still shadowing us. Keeping an eye on us. "The Eye". Not just any eye.

Then five or six years passed and neither of had been back. Dennis and his wife, Sue visited the place. Afterward Dennis called me up.

He is still there. He followed us around. Creeped Sue out. I had to tell her the story of how Richard had ruined the Egyptian Museum for us. ;-)

Many more years passed. Maybe 30 years. I visited the museum on business. The old priest was gone replaced by a new priest who knew not Richard and Dennis. The man was very friendly. I held off telling him my story knowing somehow that he too would start shadowing us, lurking just out of sight.

Waiting.




*A small replica of the deceased inscribed with magical spells to assist in the afterlife.

Always be sure you are right and then go ahead

I realize that the only way I am going to feel good about this job is to effect the change I would be implementing if I were staying long term. After next week I am going to go that path, the shining path, to modernizing this one man (or woman) HR function. They hired me, The Silicon Valley Warrior, and I have put them on notice so from now I am going to follow David Crockett's old motto.

Always be sure you are right and then go ahead.

I may not be the world's best Super Clerk but I am one of the best at empowering the managers and getting as much of the HR admin stuff pushed where it belongs. Either back at the manager or to the outside providers. I am sure it is going to be a struggle but it's the way an HR Howard Roark would do it. Learn, understand, decide what changes need to be made and then implement. Of course I am going to have to sell it (to an extent) and drag the CFO along. I'll need his support (to an extent). It will be my gift to him whether they understand it or not.

So now, I have a strategy.

Here goes.

Super Clerk

Now that I have twisted and turned at the end of a rope for the last 5 days, I have committed myself to pitch some innings for a new client. I thought I would be gone but I am not so the challenge is how to up level the very clerical HR function over the next several months while I am sitting in the seat of HR power. We might even call it a throne but more akin to the thrones that can be found on each floor in the bathrooms. If I have to piss or crap I can always go to the bathroom but if I can't make it that far then I go see HR.

That would be me.

I am have decided that I will just go do it and try to win some ground while I am there.

First I had to shock the CFO so he would listen to me. Now I have to learn the base level, clerical stuff just well enough so I don't get slaughtered on the low ground before I have a chance to take the high ground.

If you don't deliver the basic services then no one is interested in what other gems and pearls of wisdom you have to have to share.

The CFO, August 8, 2008


I have no defined strategy..........yet. I spent so much of the week talking myself out of the place I figured I didn't need a plan to be successful. I will reconnoiter for the next week or two while being super clerk and figure out the next steps.

Once an aging runner

I have stopped running. My calf was acting up on Monday during my 65 minute run. No serious pain but I could feel it every time I ran a up something resembling a slope. I talked to Bill Bill Tarr about it Tuesday and he said that I might need an MRI. They sent off paperwork to a place that does this procedure but I haven't heard anything yet.

Regardless I am on rehab.

I am convinced of several things.

I am so screwed. 3 pulls in 6 months. Duh!

I need to stop running for a while. Maybe 6-8 weeks. In the mean time I will walk.

I need to come back on flat courses and very slowly. Bayland trails and tracks. I may be driving places to run at first.

I need to get my calf to the point where I can mildly stretch it and it doesn't give me any problems. No stretching right now. That is for later on.

Massage..massage...massage to break up the scar tissue.

For Lack of a "NO"

Coach Rachelle Disbennett-Lee thanked me for including her advice on burning my ships in my last post. I was glad to do it. Her advice was spot on. And yet less than one day after the post I said yes one last time to help solve the situation I presently find myself mired in. I have agreed to transition part time while they find someone to do a longer transition. In other words, to make it really complex, I am transitioning the transition. So I agreed to half days for the next several weeks. Personally I don't think it will float but I agreed to do it because I feel badly about just dropping the ball. But if it doesn't work I will do just that.

DROP THE BALL!

I think of all the very difficult political situations I have navigated over the years and this is by far the simplest. It has become difficult because once I realized how base level the work was (is) I did not just say no in the first place. Instead I said it in the second place and yet what has changed. I still show up and do this job, even part time, and that in itself is compliant behavior. It is simply another yes followed by a yes.

I need to be less of a guy on this one. Talking instead of doing.

Well enough talking. If it doesn't float I will walk. Life is way too short.

I can see my wife's eyes glaze over while I rehash this over wine. She acts polite but frankly I think she just looks at me as indecisive. I feel indecisive.

Golly gee, I must actually be indecisive.

So Thursday's BIG Rule is to stop talking about it.

Burning my ships

This is not Cortes burning his ships but it gets across the general idea.




Like Cortes, I plan to burn my ships. Actually he may not have burned his ships but only run them aground but the metaphor is the same.

The bad starts are because I am no longer as effective as I have been in the past in the way that I evaluate potential work. I have a tendency not to be callous enough. I tend to say yes when I mean no. Previously, I always took work as it came in but over time that exhausted me. It not only over committed me but it also meant that I spent time doing work I really didn't enjoy.

Time to change or go insane.



This from Rachelle Disbennett-Lee, PhD

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/46587/burn_the_ships.html


One of the keys to reaching your goals is to eliminate any escape routes. It is tempting to retreat to safety and comfort when challenges and difficulties arise. To avoid turning around and abandoning your goals, you must make going forward more compelling then going back.


When striving towards a goal, you must focus on what you want to obtain and avoid the impulse to go back to what you know and to what is comfortable. When Spanish Conquistador Hernando Cortez landed in Mexico, one of his first orders to his men was to burn the ships. Cortez was committed to his mission and did not want to allow himself or his men the option of going back to Spain. By removing this option, Cortez and his men were forced to focus on how they could make the mission successful.


Eliminating an escape route creates a compelling reason to focus on the goal and to keep moving forward. However, it is important to keep in mind that although Cortez had his men burn the ships, he did not have them burn the food and supplies. Cutting off an escape route to increase motivation and create the desire to press on where you might otherwise give up is totally different from throwing caution to the wind and taking undue risks. Reaching your goals still requires prudent planning and managing. All goals contain a certain degree of risk, but it isn't necessary to create undue risk and stress by not properly planning and thus lacking the necessary tools and supplies to achieve your goal. Take risks, but don't be careless or foolish and simply hope that everything will be okay.

Bailing Out

Another bad start. Not running. I am not running at all. Looks like I may need an MRI on my calf but in any case I will not be running for sometime to come. I AM A WALKER. I can do that and the calf doesn't hurt. I am thinking 8-12 weeks. Not sure yet. I just know that coming back early without knowing what this thing is, will do me no good.

On the work front. I am bailing on an interim contract that I just started. Sort of like getting blown out in the first inning. The job was presented to me by a 3rd party consulting company as an HR generalist but the reality is that it is little more than an HR Admin type of job. Very (VERY) clerical. That kept me up two nights. Not the work but the realization that I had to call the organization that referred me in and tell them that I needed to get the hell out of this job. The idea of staying for 2-3 months almost made me ill. I am much tougher than that but the job duties could be done by a new hire out of college or an experienced HR administrator.

Well, at least I didn't wait too long dragging this out. My problem is that I have had 3 of these in the past year. I have also had several good assignments but somewhere along the way my ability to be discerning has eroded. I don't like letting clients down. That's always been my rule and yet in the past year I have walked out on three of them. And just after the first two, I promised myself that I would be more careful and then walked right into it again. Not saying no is not working for me.

Of course it all may be the universe saying that it is time for me to move on. There is no blaming others. The consistency in my predicament is me.

How to become a millionaire (barely).

In 1991 Borland bought a dying whale of a company called Ashton-Tate. The official corporate bulls**t line according to my cigarette smoking, passive aggressive boss was that it was the right thing to do.

Whenever you here that phrase, RUN!

Borland doubled in size, got Dbase and promptly went from a very fast growing, profitable company to a real loser. To this day it is still a also ran, relegated there by it's inspired, arrogant leadership. But that's not the story. The story has to do with a check. One of the two most senior people in Ashton-Tate had a contract that gave him a million dollars if his job went away (and it did go away). I hand delivered the check to him. Of course the payroll taxes and income taxes had been deducted but still the face amount on the check was $666,666.00 give or take a few cents. I had never held a million dollars much less $666,666.00 in my hand. Few people ever have.

The thought occurred to me that I wanted one of those. It took ten years before I actually got one of those from an IPO. Actually it was well over $1,000,000 (plus or minus) with no taxes deducted. We had to take those out ourselves (BIG GULP). The difference was that this was my check.

So I became a millionaire but just barely. I was finally the millionaire next door. That meant I had plenty of go to hell money in the bank but not enough to retire on and just live off the interest from my investments. I had a son who hadn't gone to college yet and that was $100,000 over four years, and I still had a mortgage. Not a large one but large enough. I "retired" in August 2002 from being an employee of anyone but I still had to work. Two big downturns in the economy ate away at the edges of my fortune so I kept working. Sometimes it's full time, sometimes it's part time. I escaped the cage in the zoo but not the habitat. I still showed up at the feeding trough at dinner time.

I was what is commonly now called the poor millionaire. I have the money but I can't live off of it unless I take out some of the principle. So over time it erodes.

I had made it to the top of Everest but was going to have a devil of a time getting down. As Sir Edmund Hillary said (once and I paraphrase), Mallory and Irvine might have gotten to the summit before us but we (Tensing Norgay and Hillary) were the first to get to the top and back down again and that counted for something.

It's only in the past year that I actually exercised that hard won freedom and walked out on two contracts when they turned sour. No, I don't like doing that but I was overdue.

By the way, it felt good.

Got The Call-Long Relief Role

I am coming out of the bullpen for a long relief role. Starts Monday up in San Mateo so there is a bit of a commute. My job is to keep the runners off the bases while holding down the score and looking for the person who will come in to relieve me. It's actually at an old haunt. Fashion Island or what was once Fashion Island. It's basically a tactical start up type role but the company has been around for a few years. It's a one person show and that would be me for the next 2-3 months. So I will be back running on the Bayland Bike Path which mostly consists of windy but paved trails. Once I get comfortable I might even sneak over to Redwood Shores.

It's all old territory for me.

I am calling it a day over at my last long time relief role. Been there on and off for 3 years. Best I quietly slip out of the place.