Motivation and running

I am drifting back into running. My motivation is low even though my body seems ready. I ran 30 minutes yesterday and 40 minutes (plus) today. I feel so removed from anything approaching fast even though I continue to be engaged at breakfast. Of course that is eating and talking. Tom, who was sitting next to me, asked why I decided to stop racing. That was back in 1995. I told him that the race times I was running were my motivation for staying in the game and they had dropped off significantly from my best years of competition. Even though they were competitive for my age group I was no longer motivated by them. As you age you don't get faster, especially if you have been racing for 25 years. Age is a relentless competitor, said Bill Bowerman.

Tom asked me if I could see why other runners would keep on competing even though they were slowing too. I told him that I could absolutely see it. Mine was a simply personal choice only meant to pertain to me.

If I went back to racing, I would go with a clean mental slate (and that would be the challenge). So if my first race was 25 minutes for 5K then that would be my PR. The days when I could run 10 minutes faster would be irrelevant. I gave away my trophy's and medals a few years back. I have never missed them. For all I know they are being reused in some youth program or moldering is some land fill. For me it was never about awards. It was always about being the fastest runner I could be on a given day.

I always like the journey and I have thought about racing again but starting clean. But you have to forget about they way it used to be. It's an anchor otherwise.