If my boat is being rocked by depth charges than it is my own fault. Silent running isn't really working that well. My family sees the stress of the job and that isn't good. I am not hiding it well at all. It is widening my reality from theirs. I can't win either way. No money coming in. I lose. I stay in this job (or any like it) and I lose.
So I might as well surface and fight it out up there. Once defeat is inevitable you have nothing left to lose. So as far as my present situation goes, I accept that I need to get out as soon as possible. I have offered the job to a friend (with all its warts). He is out of work and might want to do it as a bridge job while he is out looking for his next career move.
As for me, when I look back at my recent posts I look out of control. It has been cathartic writing my frustrations out on this blog. It has helped.
On the exercise front: I ran 18 minutes today pain free. Taking it slow.