Whoa!

I drove over to Forbes for the first time in a month and walked 5 minutes over to the track. Then I jog-walked for 35 minutes. I then walked down another 10 minutes with Jake who told me about his recent heart related issues.

Whoa!

He has atrial fibrillation which is an arrhythmia of the heart. It is treatable through the use of medication, electrical stimulus or our patient surgery. The last is the most permanent if it is successful. He has chosen to the latter. So this might explain his 7:11 mile and continual tiredness over the last year or so.

News at 11!

Slowest of the Lot

I escaped at lunchtime and did a 5 minute walk followed by 30 minutes of 35-25. Walked again for a few minutes afterward.

It was warmer but with a cool breeze so not bad all in all. Baylands Park was crowded with walkers and runners. I was the slowest runner of the lot. Walking breaks do that.

Comeback Weather

I ramped up a bit this morning. 5 minute walk and then 25 minutes of 35-25. It was cool and overcast. Nice comeback weather. I should be at 40 minutes of run/walk by the weekend. Legs feel OK. No pain.

I plan to ship off my redux book proposal on my Lawrence leadership model sometime this week. I keep looking at it and tinkering. Somehow it doesn't seem enough. Of course I want the publisher to want to do this book but given the sum game nature of writing and publishing, I know it either hits their fancy and their plans or it doesn't.


Wiki: For those who might wonder, the word "redux" does not mean what it would appear to. It is a Latin word that means "brought back", "revisited".

I have an ongoing search in progress. I have been looking for information on Clare Sydney Smith, wife of Wing Commander Sydney Smith. TE Lawrence, during his days in the RAF was posted to Mount Batten in the late 1920's and early 1930's where he became good friends with the commanding office (Smith) and his wife Clare. The Smith's moved on to Singapore after Mount Batten where Wing Commander Smith became Air Commodore Smith. After returning to the UK, Clare wrote a book called The Golden Reign about Lawrence's time there. It was published in 1940.

Then she disappears from history or at least from my capability to track her. She may have been part of a documentary on Lawrence done in the late 1970's (or not). I am not sure. At least I know that her husband died late in 1971. I can't find out where he is buried because the chances are she is buried next to him.

In any case she was quite attracted to Lawrence. She may have even loved him. He would have returned the friendship (deeply) but not the sexual love. He was incapable of that sort of love. Her photo is below.

Strange Breakfast Fellows

I almost didn't go but at the last moment I decided to head over to Carrows for the club breakfast. A very strange group was there. Few of the regulars but still I knew everyone and we got off on a conversation about picking a race and focusing on it. Especially when you don't have much time for training because of family and work life. Then your kids leave the house, you retire and guess what?

Your body is shot.

After I got back home I walked the usual 10 minutes and then did 35-25 for the next twenty.

Cloudy gray skies. Wind picking up.

Another Cold

I got up early and did by 10 minutes of walking followed 20 minutes of 35-25. Everything felt fine but my "node"...uh err...nose. Seems I have a slow moving and mild but annoying cold again. Second in two months. I thought that it was allergies but it is beginning to behave just like a virus. I think I am overexposed from being back at work full time again.

Anyway, I guess I am going through the toughening up phase.

Usually I stop running or exercising but I may just keep on going through this one and chance it. I am not doing anything that hard anyway. We'll see. I will take it day by day.

If this were a storm I would characterize it as slow moving, not alot of wind and just a steady, light rain.

It feels The Same

THE BUBBLE BURSTS in 2001, 2008. It looks and feels the same in Silicon Valley.





















One website I often visit (www.SFGate.com) said that the Dot.Com bubble reached it "height" 9 years ago today. The Dow hit a then all time high. So in the last 9 years we have gone through two big bubbles.

The dot-com bubble

The housing bubble

The bursting of each has wreaked havoc in the valley. I have survived both. The dot-com bubble was mostly localized here in the SF Bay Area. Other geo area were effected but the cratering took place here. This latest bubble is more wide spread because it has to do with mortgages and housing. But here t feels just the same. Contract recruiters begin to lose work. They migrate, either leaving the area or looking at other ways of making money. Start ups can't get that next round of funding.

I rode through the first one. My company had gone public and I had a fairly big cash injection so money wasn't an issue. I semi-retired and took 9 months off without fear. Eventually people started to call me asking me to come back inside and work. I became a consultant.

Folks forget that with 9-11 and Enron people were freaking. Here, in the valley, it looks the same.

A friend gets laid off. Their spouse has been out of work too. Hammer I told him. 5-10 new contacts a day. Don't get hung up on title and pay. Just get back in. A years passes. They are still out. Now the spouse is out. They may lose their home.

Foreclosure looms.

I held off giving any big advice. 5-10 contacts a day.

Hammer away. Hammer!

Still Throwing

I got out at lunch and did my piddly 10 minute walk followed by 35-25 for the next 20 minutes.

At work: I was thinking of Hoyt Wilhelm. I am still in the game pitching but now it's my knuckle ball and sinker that keep me going. I am not God's gift to baseball (uh...err, work). It's late innings and the sun is going down in a big red fireball to the west. The shadows are long reaching out and engulfing the outfield.

I am still "in" there.

Throwing.

Strange Dream

A very strange dream last night.

I dreamed I had quit work again. One of the women at work came to see me at home. She reclined on my bed rather seductively as we talked. Later on after she had left I decided to walk to work and see what was going on. On the way I saw Will Ferrell in a flashy red car popping wheelies and flexing his biceps. For some reason we knew each other. He gave me a thumbs up and I returned the salute.

I got to work. Priscilla showed me a hate letter from Imani signed Imani, the knife . Next to the signature was a crudely drawn picture of a knife blade.

I told her that the letter concerned me. She should go talk to Bill. She agreed and stood up to go find him. As we came out of her office Bill whizzed by mumbling to himself that he had to get to an appointment. He came down the hall several times. He reminded me of the rabbit in Alice in Wonderland.

I'm late. I'm late....

I decided to leave.

"If you need me," I said, "Call me. I can come back."

Then I woke up.

Is The Pope Catholic?

I finally had to route Right Wing Dave to the trash bin on my email. He seemed to have an overwhelming need for victories over his friends. Usually a sign of great weakness. The old lion must kill even if is members of his own pride (or something like that).

So no more emails from him. I am gulched as far as he is concerned.

I went out early and walked the requisite 10 minutes before doing another 20 minutes of 30-30. Then I took Amber out for a walk around the neighborhood before heading over to join my club for breakfast.

I didn;t mention it but I talked to the publisher on Wednesday. The editor is interested in my Lawrence book but asked if I would be willing to do it as a leadership book. Is the Pope Catholic? In reality this was my passion around the subject in the first place. I just need to figure out how to make it different and compelling.

It doesn't guarantee a book deal but it does put me on the beach and that is the first step.

I Will Not Stop The Motor Of The World

I ran 20 minutes yesterday alternating 30 seconds walk with 30 or running. So 30-30. The right calf held up fine. I plan to keep doing this for the next several weeks to hopefully stabilize. Then I work my way up.

More communication with right wing Dave. It bothers him that I won't affiliate with the political right. It bothers him that I am all over the place on my values (his point of view). I always have liked restaurant menu's with plenty of choices. I do tend to vary my position. It is part of my life strategy. I remember this driving long neck Don crazy back in the 1970's.

I guess I haven't changed.

Change or die, they say.

Change comes to you whether you seek it or not. I have tried to stay ahead of the curve on that one but change catches all unawares eventually. And you even have to accept that.

I am not John Galt. I will not the stop the motor of the world even though I get that too and have stopped a few engines in my time. I will change the game though. I will shift and find my own way. When things got crowded for Daniel Boone he would move further west. He didn't try to force settlers to move away to give him "room" to live his life. He simply moved west.

Nine for mortal men doomed to die

Three rings for the elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,
Nine for mortal men doomed to die,
One for the dark lord on his dark throne
In the land of Mordor where the shadows lie.
One ring to rule them all, one ring to find them,
One ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the land of Mordor where the shadows lie.

I may have one of the rings of power. I can be invisible if I want. I have a way of not being noticed. Of slipping in and out of a room without drawing attention to myself. I have always had it if I wanted to draw upon that power. I am not immortal. Maybe young looking for my age but that is no magic.

Since, at present, there is no Dark Lord to attempt to control me through my ring, I roam free for the time being.

Staring Down Death

The Bay Area is getting pelted. The rain came steadily today like a bombing raid on an enemy city during a war. I had to talk myself out the door for 10 minutes of walking and 20 minutes of 30-30 (30 second jog, 30 second walk).

Danny and I had breakfast late in the morning and then went to see Linda, our friend who is battling pancreatic cancer. Battling is the operative word. I would have said dying but she is not going down without a fight. I think I walked out of there with a deep impression of her spirit.

She thinks she will make it back to work. Just not now. Her words. I am not strong enough right now.

She is down to 75 pounds, hasn't felt decent in 6 months and yet still has a strong sense of independence and retains her sense of wry humor.

One aspect of courage is staring down death. Linda is in the process of doing that right now.

I told her that I was enjoying work and that she had something to do with that. I am back inside because she can't be. Someone had to take your place, I said. We both laughed.

As I left I gave her a hug and said, "We miss you. We want you back."

"I am going to try," she said. I knew she meant it.

The Wrong Battle

THE BANKS SUCKING AT THE PUBLIC BREASTS











It will be tough to tell my friend Dave that the the battle he is fighting under the banner of Rush Limbaugh is no longer relevant. He still thinks the battle is between Obama, his brand spanking new cabinet, creeping socialism and the Republican right.

It is too late for that.

Our economic woes go beyond party lines and who is in power. Lack of oversight on the part of the government and the banks have led us into a hot fetid swamp. It will be some time before we emerge.

Someone (us) kicked the teeth out of the face of our solvency and we have pitched forward into the thick mud of despair. The media is having a field day. It's a feeding frenzy.

Regardless, the battle has moved on. The government has to inject funds into the economy because it is the last of the big spenders even if the money is simply paper and the paper is back by us taxpayers.

And yet for all of this we will work our way out. It is our nature to do so.

Jog Walk

It's going to start raining again so the sky was the color of lead. The sun pierced the gray canopy with slanting shafts of light and things warmed up nicely.

I walked Amber in the mid afternoon and then went on by myself doing 77 minutes. On the way I dropped headed over to the college and spent 20 minutes on the track jogging 50 meters, walking 50 meters. Not precisely the way my friend Brian recommended that I do my comeback. I walked too much before (the recommendation was 10 minutes of walking and 20 minutes of jog-walk but it felt good to get outside and sweat a bit.

Danny ran a 5:18, 1500 meter today at a corporate meet. The equivalent of a 5:42 mile. His fastest in several years.

Silicon Valley Gulching 101

Email to a friend who is all angry about Obama, his recent speech and things in general

Working for the state or government is not an option. I would not "fit". I have to resist the state in any way I can that is NOT violent, breaks no big laws and also increases my lack of reliance on the state. Part of this is to become a heck of less reliant on the news and media and also to seek out folks who have behaviorally sought and have achieved a level of independence.

For example, I could not respond to your analysis of Obama's speech BECAUSE I DIDN'T LISTEN TO IT. At least not much of it. It was on the TV when I got home but Sue and I went inside and had a glass of wine and talked instead.

The money thing I will need to figure out.

I know that being angry at the government and being a victim for the next 6-8 years increases my dependency on all of those things and I don't want that.

Galt stopped being a victim. In fact he never became a victim. Either did Roark. He refused to be a victim even when Toohey was screwing with his career right and left.
These are fictional characters but they set an example or ideal to strive for.

By the way, I don't care how others see me in this process, only how I see myself. I look for people of like minds but don't require it.

Tell Me What You Really Think

By nature (and it took me years to understand this about myself) I prefer to work the edges of issues. I find I am more effective out there than trying to be main line. It's am experiential and psychological thing.

I am better backing into the lime light than being in the limelight. When I have to ask, I don't do as well as when I am asked.

I am more effective down in an organization rather than leading an organization (even though I can lead).

If I chose the mainline approach to our present dilemma I would run for office, write, blog and draw attention to my views. But I am not happiest doing that and probably less successful.

If I work the edges and show patience, I just feel and do better.

Look, I don't like bailing out companies and do the second coming of the great society, but it's going to happen anyway. Neither you or I can do anything to stop it (fro now). People are pretty angry about the fiscal crisis, the wars overseas and the fact that it looks like rich greedy people manipulated the system. The story is as old as time. So now the masses get their revenge. Redistribution of wealth is the term they are using this time around. In the end it will lead to inflation, disappointment and a lessor America. But if the "wealthy and powerful" hadn't abused the system we would be a a nice pickle but not the horrible pickle we find ourselves in now.

The housing mortgage program that caused things to fall like a house of cards was our fault. People who had positions of trust didn't do their jobs. They went for the short term financial profit versus doing what was right. Then we bail them out (Late last year) and trust them to get money back in circulation and they default to paying bonuses and painting their offices (so to speak). So I get why people are angry. I really get it. It looks bad even if the average wealthy or middle class guy didn't contribute to this problem at all.
Dave, if you misbehave, the great unwashed masses will seek new leadership and come marching to your door. You didn't misbehave. Either did it. Either did most folks. But a few did and they were both Republicans and Democrats and some independents too. They blew it and so it was natural that a proletariat leader would arise and bring about vengeance. Obama is that guy like it ot not. But we created the need for him. Not the other way around. He's not Lenin or Trotsky. But he is the American version of this (without the mass killings).

But we created him (or the need for him). By not doing our jobs well and then being arrogant and insensitive about it. Now we pay the price but that is not forever. It will turn and then we may have a chance to swing things back. Roosevelt ran a socialist system for 12 years and Truman less so. Under Eisenhower things changed.

The tide is too great right now but it will change or so I believe.

Slumdog Thousandaire

WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE?

So let's say you were lucky enough to actually win a million dollars a year ago.

After taxes you probably ended up with somewhere around 500,000 dollars.

If you invested in the stock market you probably have half of that left if you were lucky.

So now you have 250,000 dollars.

Not bad for a few evenings on a quiz show but far far away from being a millionaire.

If you thought you were going to retire though, you were mistaken. 250 grand can't generate enough income for you to do much of anything unless you relocate to the poorest of countries. 1% equals around $2,500 a year.

So what do you do?

Take you money and put it in some safe vehicle that is guaranteed by the government? Buy gold or silver? Leave it in cash for now.

Consider it found money, don't quit your day job and look for that next 250K. There is more than one way to skin a cat.

What will you do?

Buy that house you always wanted especially if you are not in the real estate market and don't own your own home (or condo). Buy a new car.

Now you are down to having a mortgage if you didn't buy a place outright, and if you didn't pay cash, probably having a car payment.

You own a few things you could not have owned a year ago but your freedom is crimped a bit. You are not free from any single job (remember 1 x and 10 x. This is a good time to go out, get married and have a few kids.

Welcome to the rat race, Slumdog Thousandaire.

Shrugging

Email to my conservative, right wing "friend".

We would do better to be less political adversaries and become allies on ways that we can "Galt's Gulch" the system. In the end we both want self reliance and self determination and less government interference in our lives. We can't always control which party is in power but we can control our response to it.

I think with our two creative minds we could brainstorm this over lunches and dinners and figure out how to do a better job of "Shrugging" (as in Atlas Shrugged).

I was wondering if you were interested.

The system, as it exists now politically pits us against each other and the system is winning. If we can rise above political parties and useless debate we have a chance.

There is another way. We can shrug and become urban warriors.

Gulching

A variation on gulching, but done as a single individual with the specific goal of "Refus[al] to engage in any implementation of your personal creative ability which benefits the State[...]Tak[ing] your brains off the statist marketplace[...]Act[ing] so that only those who add to your life, not those who devour it, comprise your creativity marketplace[...]Reserv[ing] your achievements for yourself and those who will join you in the endeavor to build a sane and sensible world" is what David King termed "Shrugging"[4]. This term also originated from Ayn Rand's novel, Atlas Shrugged.

From The Wikipedia definition of Gulching


For a good long time I have been thinking of Gulching***. That means making my life a more independent one. It is a term that originally was inspired by the novel Atlas Shrugged.

Since I am not going to move into the mountains or out into the borderlands anytime soon, I am going to have the challenge of figuring it out here in the middle of Silicon Valley. Gulcher's might say that this is an impossible task. But since my task is based on my own perception of things, who really cares.

For me the first step is the independent mind.

First steps

Freedom from political parties, rhetoric and slogans. There. See. I am already freer than I was a few minutes ago.

Freedom from should, ought and have to. There are enough of those to go around anyway.

Freedom from the latest and greatest toys, cars and technology (or is that the same as toys??). I admit to liking my Hi-Def TV, my cell phone and cable connectivity for my computer. If it works then stick with it. When it doesn't anymore then I will go out and buy something new or at least more current. Current is different than having to have the latest.

Freedom from any single job. I have that right now. As Ivan Sutherland once said, 1 one X is freedom from any single job. Ten X is freedom from all jobs. I don't know if Ten X works anymore but One X still does. In any case I have One X and Ten X. The key is keeping the meaning of X (Il costo della vita) under control. That has been a challenge especially with the sudden submersion of the economy into a virtual reality version of Waterworld over the past 5-6 months.

I am not really independent financially but lowering the cost of living can lower the "X" factor. So, job-wise, I went back inside to lower our medical costs and have some decent cash flow to alleviate some of the fiscal pain. I hate the fact that freedom is based on social security and medicare still being around somewhere down the line. It is also based on inheritance which means someone has to die. Not a happy thought. Inevitable but not happy.

More on all of this as I figure it out. It will be complex to simplify our lives and there will be blood. No sane city dweller wants to go this route without kicking and screaming a bit. I did this before back in the 1970's. It wasn't perfect but it was a sense of freedom when I wanted it. Career and money never meant as much as self determination.

Another Pull???????

About halfway through my run today (15 minutes) my right upper achilles and lower calf started to bother me. There was only way home and that was to come back which was another 15 minutes. I iced as quickly as I could but I have this sinking feeling that no heel lifts puts too much torque on my legs. The right side wasn't bothering me when this all began. Not down there.

I will give it a couple of days but I think the combination of removing the heel lifts and running is just too much for legs.

No drama here but no question that my legs are fragile and can't seem to hold up.

30 minutes

I finally crossed the 30 minute barrier today at lunch. It was way too sunny and nice (nice) to stay in at lunch so I got myself out there.

The run was only remarkable in the sense that I actually felt pretty good while running a classic out and back.

If you run out for 15 minutes then it's gonna take 15 minutes to get back. Duh!

Some guy dogged on my way out breathing like a choo choo train. I eventually was passed by him, caught him again and then he picked it up and dusted me off.

So this is sort of it for now. 30-35 minutes 4-5 times a week. The next step is to add in 50-100 meter striders once a week. I will eventually build up one run a week heading towards an hour give or take. The rest of my running days will be short and cute.

Who is John Galt?

Traded emails with my "I don't want to be your friend anymore" guy on the state of the economy. He is definitely polarized blaming much of the present crisis on the Democrats without it even occurring to him that the Republicans ran the show for 6 or the last 8 years. I sometimes feel like I am talking to a member of a cult. His mind would probably clear up nicely if he stopped listening to the right wing hate spewed by Michael Savage, Rush Limbaugh and Bill O'Reilly. He sounds like he has memorized their sermons.

I am in the middle or what I perceive as the middle (Heck! Maybe I am not). Lack of government oversight and poor fiscal decisions (including stacking up bad mortgages) are the trigger that brought down this house of cards. Mistakes were made on both sides and the middle.

Is this Atlas Shrugged? Not yet. I don't see my right wing friend hurrying off to Galt's Gulch to lead a strike against what Ayn Rand called the looters.

Would the world miss another software engineer. Probably not. No more than they would miss "just another HR guy".

I think rhetoric is cheap (very cheap) and to live what you believe is tough. I know very few people in my life who are willing to NOT compromise that much.

On the running front: I ran at lunch today. Cool sunny and cloudy out in Baylands Park. I was woefully slow but got in 28 minutes with no problems.

24 Big Ones

The Gods of rain wind and thunder were out in force. They have reigned supreme over Northern California for the past several days.

I ran 24 minutes in a cold rain this morning. As my wife said, "Well, you had just better get at it," and so I did. It was basically miserable mostly due to the wind and the fact that my upper back spasmed late in the run. I stopped and let it settle down and then went on and finished. Time to go see Bill Tarr, no doubt.

The road back is littered with lack of desire and lack of goals. I did perk up when I listened to Dimitri relate his story of Danny and his mile a couple of Saturday's ago. Had I not pulled my calf the last time I might have been down close to 4:30 for a 1200 meter time trial. That would have been enough to tell me that I might be able to break 6 minutes for the mile (Sub-6 at 60).

I guess if I can remain injury free the time to evaluate that is this spring.

Lawrence Book

Not another book, Ali!


The Lawrence of Arabia For Dummies Proposal is with Wiley. Bert was kind enough to forward my "white paper" to the chairman who is passing it down to someone who will either accept or reject the idea. The Dummies website is very specific. They like proposals for books to go through literary agents, a step I was not aware of.

Te book idea has merit but the rejection will come because of one or more of the following reasons.

1. I am unknown to them

2. I didn't go through their process

3. The book idea doesn't interest them

4. All of the above

If it gets accepted because they find it compelling, then I will be committed to writing a 350-400 page book. Evenings and weekends for the next 6 months but frankly I am up for it.

20 minutes

Twenty minutes. Hardly anything in the old days but that's what I ran today. I was almost the fastest guy in the neighborhood when a younger runners ghosted by me like I was standing still.

Whoosh!

I found this on a running club website:


The Aging of a Runner by Eb Engelmann

I ran in high school (1500 meters, and also for soccer and basketball, and the very occasional, personal long run—about six miles in those days). I ran in the Army Airborne (mass, instep, group runs, 3 miles a day, six days a week, for almost three years, the last 14 months often at daybreak on German cobblestone streets in jump boots—a curiously awesome, goose bump inducing experience to me!). Then I put away my running until 17 years later at age 37 and weighing, what was for me, a bloated 183 pounds, when I decided to try it again—now belatedly as the "battle of the bulge." However, within six months I knew again that, weight be damned, I was still a runner!

Now on the eve of becoming 60. With 575 races and 44,000 "adult" miles behind me I am compelled to think about my running from an older, more reflective perch, and especially upon my aging and running. I have some personal observations to make.

I am slowing down, not surprisingly, and at an accelerating rate. The reasons are many, while the fallout is dispiriting and cumulative. I am inextricably caught in a downward spiral, and yet I strive to keep my head above the water and to stay focused upon the horizon. As we older runners keep telling one-another, "slower is better than the alternative."

I have all but stopped running the shorter runs. My mile, 3K, 5K, 5mile, and 10K are all getting substantially slower. Having done 20-40 or more of each of these distances there is nothing left to discover, and I am on the far side of my peak times for all of them and falling rapidly. Strength and speed are the first to go, while endurance mercifully lingers.

I also find as a side effect that while I can still run flats and especially downhill only modestly slower than before, I am all but unable to run uphill. Consequently, I no longer run them but march them vigorously, except in the shorter distances or in relays.

Given the relative persistence of endurance with age, the much greater role of mental focus and tenacity in longer runs, and the relatively fewer runs I have done at really longer distances, I have essentially become a long distance specialist. In this regard, I also have at my service a key axiom garnered from personal observations made at many races over the years, "the longer the race, the older the participants". Also, as we all know, speed kills, and that is certainly true when it comes to generating injuries! It is so much more likely for a senior runner to pull or strain an aging muscle with an all-out fast effort than it is for a youngster to do so. Here then, is another contributing factor to running long.

Not only do times slow as one ages, but perhaps even more challenging, recovery slows. This includes recovery from both the exhaustion experienced from hard training or racing and recovery from injuries suffered along the way. Where I used to run every day, I now hope to run only every other day. On the alternate day I typically walk or racewalk, bike, row, and/or do light weights and stretching. While I can still make my self run more frequently, my legs become heavy, my aches persistent, my body lethargic, and my spirit flagging.

I also find that, as I age, my performances have become less satisfying for me and less relevant for anyone else. In spite of my best efforts, I am no longer near the front of the race. My times are becoming more and more distant from the winner's time. And who besides another 59-60 year-old really cares what a runner oi that age is doing. That is the simple fact of the matter. This further detracts from my effort's value and makes it even more difficult to keep pushing my already fading body and spirit.

I now also find myself counting privately and anxiously just how many years I may have left to run at this point, ...maybe ten? Certainly far less than I have already been running! How many 70-year-old runners do you know? Very, very few indeed! And for the majority of those, there is little performance incentive except to finish.

And I am now concerned that certain seminal running milestones have already silently passed me by - a 6:00 mile, 30:00 5 mile, 40:00 10K, 3:00:00 marathon, 8:00:00 50 mile, and perhaps the ability to ever again finish the Western States Endurance Run or post 100 miles or more in a 24-hour run. Can I still run around Mt. Rainier, and, if so, will the next instance truly be the last one? These doubts have a profound impact upon your dreaming, thinking, and planning as a runner. Is it becoming too late to do "x?" If you are a naturally competitive runner and person, these realities require constant, painful adjustment and rethinking of one's goals and priorities. If you love running, as I do, this is both exasperating and disappointing. It is corrupting! I am also loath to pass up an event I still feel I myself capable of doing for fear that next year I may no longer be able to I do it.

There is also a popular maxim among runners that it is not so much the age of the runner, per se, as the miles on the runner which accelerate - the slowing process. Regardless, by either measure I am becoming a fading, slowing runner. I have both the accumulated years and miles—and yes, even the accumulated miles raced!

Inevitably, I must simply return to an earlier phrase, "Whatever you are still able to do, it is far better than the alternative." Did you give it your best effort? Did you do the mostyou could with what you've still got? If so, that's truly all you can do. You deserve a pat on the back—at the very least your own pat! You should praise yourself. In no case should you allow yourself to berate your performance. And you should close and try to distance yourself from your one-time personal record book. Those performances belong to yesterday, and yesterday is gone. So put your best foot forward, and just keep on placing one foot before the other - as all runners must do. It still feels the same. Only the time has changed. And time always was the ultimate runner's taskmaster........

BIG RULES

Some big rules for a Silicon Valley Warrior

You should accept obscurity. You'll operate best when you are not noticed.

Don't make it about yourself, money or title. The time to negotiate all that is when going in. The let it go. Clients will resent it if they think you have to be bought. Besides, freedom comes from not being tied by title, grade or salary.

Always be prepared for the severance of your relationship. When you or the client calls "time" get out with dignity but leave quickly. If you are good at this you'll always be working yourself out of job.

Don't take offense. Stay above personal comments. Someone may well slander you but, if you are acting honestly, you have to not care.

Don't operate by a score card or performance appraisal. Grading of your performance by others is not relevant unless you choose to let this be so and then you are caged.

If the major part of your job drifts into an area where you are either weak or not enjoying the work, try to get back to what you do well. If you can't get back, get out. Staying will diminish your skills.

Don't try to win in big meetings. Do the bulk of your work by meeting with people one on one. Most people want to "shine" in big meetings. There is often someone who will try to take you down. If it takes one-hundred 1.1's to influence an outcome, it will be worth the effort.

Everything is relationships. Make enemies as often as you would want surgery.

Be patient. Influencing great outcomes is like kicking 55 yard field goals. You won't make half of them. Accept that. But you will make some and that is what is key. When you score it will count. Your opponents will never know what hit them. They may not even know that it was you who kicked the ball.

Use people for their strengths. Don't beat them up for their weaknesses.

Accept failure and move on. Defeat is often the path to victory.

News Fast

This 2006 article from Steve Pavlina about News Fasts. It is an old article but time for me. I intend to go in this same direction. I have even reset my home page on my computer to my Yahoo email gateway versus the Yahoo home page which if full of the latest and greatest news.




Overcoming News Addiction
September 26th, 2006 by Steve Pavlina Email this article to a friend Email this article to a friend

A little over 30 days ago, I decided to go on a news fast, using my trusty 30-day trial method. I had already dropped TV news and newspapers, but I still had the habit of checking Yahoo News or CNN every day or two, so for 30 days I decided to drop all news sources and go totally news-free. In this article I’ll share what I learned from this experiment. It went well enough that I intend to remain free of the habit of daily news checking.

Motivation to begin a news fast

I know well enough how negatively biased popular news sources are, but despite this drawback, I figured some news was still better than no news at all. Checking the news was the lesser of two evils. Isn’t it important to keep up on current events? If I dropped all news sources, wouldn’t I be living in darkness, cut off from the rest of humanity?

On the other hand, I always tell people, “You never know what’s on the other side of a belief until you test it for yourself.” I figured it was worth a 30-day trial to find out what news-free living was like. It seemed unlikely I’d miss anything earth-shattering, and I could always catch up afterwards.

Uncovering news addiction

I was surprised at how difficult this trial was from the very beginning. Throughout the first day, I was just itching to check the news. I wanted to find out what was going on in the world. What were the latest updates on the various news threads I’d been following? I was able to stick to my news fast without cheating, but it felt very uncomfortable. I had to delete my news bookmarks to prevent myself from subconsciously checking the news out of habit.

After several more days, I was still itching to check the news. It felt like a craving. I soon realized I wasn’t just dealing with a habit — I was actually tackling an addiction.

Addictions are a deeper form of habit because they fill a need. The need is often important and shouldn’t remain unfilled, but what makes an addiction negative is its destructive side effects. The need my news addiction filled was that it gave me a sense of groundedness by connecting me with what was going on in the world. But the negative side effect was that it was conditioning me to become more negative and fear-based in my thinking.

Control and substitution

The basic solution for overcoming an addiction is control and substitution. First, get temporary control of the addiction, such as by initiating a 30-day period of total abstinence. Secondly, identify the need being filled by the addiction, and find an alternate, non-destructive way to fill that need to at least the same degree.

When I began my 30-day news fast, I didn’t realize I’d be dealing with an addiction. I just thought it was an ingrained habit, so I didn’t make any plans for substitution. However, the substitute behavior naturally fell into place near the end of the 30 days. I’ll get to that in a minute, but first I’ll share some of the realizations I had during the fasting period itself.

Reassessing news reading

After a couple weeks without news, I got past the hump and wasn’t craving it so much anymore. At this point I began reflecting on the habit from a distance, and I made the following observations:

1. News is predominantly negative. Which headline gets your attention: “Another blissful day” or “Murderous rampage on the subway”? In order to keep you plugged in, news has to shock you out of your complacency. In practice that means it usually has to scare or worry you. News’ primary marketing method is fear.
2. News is addictive. If you’re a daily news junkie, try giving it up for 30 days, and you’ll see what I mean. Even when I just planned to quickly scan the headlines, I’d often get sucked into reading sensationalized articles that provided no real value.
3. News is myopic. News provides the illusion of completeness, but in truth its coverage is ridiculously narrow. There are many fascinating happenings in the world that never make the news. After getting your daily update on current events, you think you know what’s going on in the world. But with billions of people on this planet, you’re sorely mistaken. You don’t have a clue.
4. News is marketing. Think this; don’t think that. Fear this; worry about that. Yes, yes, we’re all gonna die. Make me feel afraid, so then I’ll buy the sponsors’ products to feel better. Global warming won’t seem so bad when I’m driving my new car and popping my anti-depressants. Pump me full of fear; then sell me the cure.
5. News is shallow. Complex topics are reduced to sound bites and simplistic platitudes. Even the “in-depth” stories are unbelievably shallow. Skip the news and read books instead.
6. News is untrustworthy. Start looking for the political and corporate agendas behind the stories, and you’ll see them oozing out of every nook and cranny.
7. News is thought conditioning. Here’s how to think, so you’ll fit in like a good little human.
8. News is trivia. What passes for important is actually far from it. How much of today’s news will you remember next year? Can you even remember last month’s news? Your brain discards the news because it’s trivial; what you internalize is the fear-based conditioning.
9. News is redundant. Most news stories are repetitive, redundant, and say the same things twice. Very few stories are actually fresh and new. News should really be called “olds.”
10. News is irrelevant. How many news stories are relevant to you personally? Virtually none.
11. News isn’t actionable. How many news stories are actionable for you right now? Less than none.
12. News is problem-obsessed. The news loves to report problems. It will tell you all the things that are wrong in gory detail. How many of those problems have you actually solved? Which ones are you hard at work solving right now? The news conditions you to worry about problems but not to actually solve them. That’s because you’re encouraged to worry about unsolvable problems and then buy the sponsors’ products to assuage your fears. Drop the news for a while, and you’ll find you naturally spend more time solving problems than worrying about them.
13. News is a waste of time. Try to quantify you’re real gain from news consumption compared to other activities, and you’ll see just how worthless it really is. 10 minutes of news checking per day = 61 hours per year. Over a 50-year period, that’s huge. If you consume 30 minutes of daily news, it’s 183 hours per year – about 23 eight-hour days. That’s a full working month out of every year. Yikes! Was your last year of news consumption worth that much to you? How about a month long vacation instead?

When I stepped back and looked at the big picture, I realized that news was worse than worthless to me. It provides the compelling illusion of valuable, factual information, but when you bite into it, you get nothing but poisoned air. I’m making generalizations here of course, but in my experience they’ve been true much more often than false.

How will I ever live without it?

Maybe news is a predominantly negative influence in its current forms, but what’s the alternative? Don’t we need to keep up on current events? What about “practical” news like technology and science? Even stuff that’s made to seem important really isn’t. Consider some of the stories you might assume are important….

A new breakthrough cancer treatment? I don’t have cancer, nor does anyone in my family. If I did have cancer and was being treated for it, I’d hear about treatments from more intelligent sources than the general news outlets. The news coverage of such treatments is too shallow and pharmaceutical advertiser biased anyway.

A new planet discovered? I’m not an astronaut or an astronomer, so even though this seems like important knowledge, from my perspective it’s still non-actionable trivia. Surely it’s important to NASA, but what’s important for NASA isn’t necessarily relevant to my life purpose. When I’m genuinely interested in improving my astronomy knowledge, I read books written by astrophysicists. Regular news offers astronomy for preschoolers.

A new electronic gadget? New gadgets are nice, but I’ll see friends using them soon enough, or I’ll notice them in local stores. There’s no need to wade through tons of forgettable fluff to learn about one gadget I might someday want. When I feel the need for a new gadget, I can research it proactively and avoid the fluff.

A war update? The combatants involved in various conflicts are neither my enemies nor my allies. Knowing which people killed which other people in which particular manner is useless knowledge to me. War is a complex issue, and the shallow news coverage doesn’t do justice to the true intentions behind the fighting. The information that comes through the news pipe is too biased to be useful.

A major disaster? A normal day on this planet will see 150,000 people die – over a million in a normal week. So how does an earthquake that kills 1000 people compare? That’s not even 1% of one day’s total. A disaster that requires my personal attention will be discovered without the news. During the 1994 Northridge earthquake, the violent shaking of my apartment was a good indication that something was amiss. The news was just as surprised as I was.

There are very few news items that would qualify as a genuine must-read. Sure there are some interesting articles now and then, but I’ve no need for the daily habit of news scanning. The genuinely critical items are nearly nonexistent. If something truly earth-shattering happens, I’m certain to hear about it from someone else anyway.

Substitute behavior

I mentioned earlier that I naturally fell into a substitute behavior that filled the same need as my news addiction. For me that turned out to be spending time in nature. This discovery happened largely by accident – or perhaps by synchronicity.

During my 30-day trial, Erin and I took a vacation trip to Sedona, Arizona. Sedona is one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever visited. I did some hiking, went on a tour with an American Indian guide, and meditated at four of the so-called Sedona energy vortexes (they call them vortexes instead of vortices). It was a wonderful trip, and when it was over, I didn’t want to leave.

On this trip it became obvious that spending more time in nature was a great way to feel grounded. I’d been using the news as a means of grounding myself, but spending time in nature was much more effective. It provided a deeper, more intuitive level of connection than the news’ what-you-don’t-know-might-kill-you approach.

Sedona is 300 miles from Las Vegas, but fortunately Red Rock Canyon is only a 20-minute drive from my house. The week we returned from Sedona, I went hiking in RRC. It’s not as pretty as Sedona, and there are no special energy vortexes, but it’s an effective substitute.

The last time I went hiking (far off trail), I stumbled upon a desert rock that was naturally shaped like a heart. It looked like the surrounding rocks, but it was so obviously heart-shaped that I couldn’t be sure it wasn’t human-chiseled. I decided to take it as a sign, so I put it in my office as a reminder of my connection to the world through nature.

The news cravings are gone now. Instead of feeling connected to the world through current events, I feel connected to the world through the timelessness of nature. This sense of groundedness has much deeper roots, roots that aren’t easily disturbed or manipulated. Standing alone in a natural setting with no man-made structures in sight is a feast for the soul.

News-free living

Perhaps the biggest risk of news-free living is that someday I’ll be lost in my daily routine, completely oblivious to the fact that everyone is evacuating the planet without me. Because I didn’t jack in for months on end, I’ll be totally left behind… just me and my heart-shaped rock. :(

So in the event of a sudden global evacuation, I ask that you send me a quick courtesy email to let me know. Once that risk is covered, I can comfortably enjoy the rest of my days on this planet sans news media.

WHAM! POW!

A very quiet day at the office. Gave me enough time to get out at lunch and run 18 big minutes. My legs hung together (figuratively). As I circled Baylands Park I was thinking how fragile and older runner becomes over time. Between recovery and injury, it becomes a sum game. You begin to realize that just being out there becomes the victory.

Back at work, late in the day, things changed dramatically. WHAM! POW! Got very busy until about 7 pm. Plenty going on in my over identified corporate life. I am trying to learn how to be Korean, which is tough enough.

What did Lawrence say about being Arab?

The beginning and ending of the secret of handling Arabs is unremitting study of them. Keep always on your guard; never say an unnecessary thing: watch yourself and your companions all the time: hear all that passes, search out what is going on beneath the surface, read their characters, discover their tastes and their weaknesses and keep everything you find out to yourself. Bury yourself in Arab circles, have no interests and no ideas except the work in hand, so that your brain is saturated with one thing only, and you realize your part deeply enough to avoid the little slips that would counteract the painful work of weeks. Your success will be proportioned to the amount of mental effort you devote to it.

The head of a snail

Oh, this is dangerous. It's like a dance. Two of the engineers I asked to meet with asked for agenda's. Very cultural I guess. They are definitely trying to shut me out. I was warned that this would happen. So I have backed off a bit and will circle around looking for another way in. They react like the head of a snail if you touch it. It instinctively retracts. I have always thought of myself as being very good at appearing to go native but this group is challenging.

I ran 16 minutes this morning.

The Inner Ring

I ran 14 minutes yesterday morning. I also did 2 sessions on the slant board.

Work was back to back meetings all day. I am trying to understand the motivation of the secret society (an inner ring) of our core engineering group. Very complex society within a tribal organization. No one from the outside likes going there but I have to. Good "warriors" individually but different in groups. I am looking for guides. I just can't expose them to being exorcised by their fellows.

No HR person has gone there before so I am a bit of a surprise.

Sawyer Camp 12 Minute Run

Drove up to San Mateo to meet the Beans. Bob ran the DSE 5K held on the Sawyer Camp trail. I ran 12 minutes hoping and praying that I would pass the 1/2 mile marker before 6 minutes turnaround elapsed (I did).

We went to breakfast afterward at Hobee's in Redwood Shores across the road from the glass monoliths of Oracle.

Cool, drizzle but no wind so it wasn't that bad.

In the old days Sawyer Camp was often a 12 mile run so this was quite a bit shorter.

Kathie

I ran 10 minutes this morning and then walked with Amber for about 20 minutes before dashing off to breakfast with the club.

Met up with Steve for lunch. Hadn't seen him for more than 30 years. He thinks it may be 40. Anyway we were just a couple of guys in our 60's catching up in old Burlingame. Steve was a cousin of a classmate of mine who died last week. Kathie....Never really knew her that well. Blond and cute. Died of a massive heart attack a year after having a stroke. She was small and slender in high school but had gained a great deal of weight. Ended up living in a mobile home out in the woods with her dogs.

I have a very vivid remembrance of graduation. We were loosed upon the world. Some died in Vietnam (useless..useless). Kathie died alone in the woods outside Fort Bragg. Not too far from where my friend Kenny died so many years ago. 63 years old.

I wrote her older brother an email giving him my regrets.

Time will eventually swallow the memory of all of us.

The Big Push

In the meantime back at the front

My irregulars are off on the right flank out in the desert. We are watching the guns pounding them. It is the signal that the BIG PUSH has begun and for us to get going.

I came back for this.

We move off in the half light of the early dawn.

NEWS FAST

It is time to go on another news fast. The aboslute crap that is being slung around these days is so frenetic that it could drive a person crazy. Imagine what it would have been if this was the olden days (how's that for a technical-historic term).

HUNS INVADE THE WEST

BIG BAILOUT PAID TO ATTILA

HUNS INVADE THE EAST

BIG BAILOUT PAID TO ATTILA

ATTILA DIES AFTER BIG FEAST. DROWNS IN OWN BLOOD

MONGOLS AT THE GATES

GENGHIS DIES. MONGOLS RETURN HOME TO DECIDE ON NEW EMPEROR

Who cares about this now (except for us history buffs).

What we now go through will pass. It will become something else both good and bad. I will live to see some of it because things change every day.

Yen & Jan R.

To burn some calories. That was the question. At lunch, I ran 8 minutes and walked another 42 to stir fry 350 calories. Probably not enough to cover the ice cream I had tonight after dinner. I usually can avoid stuff like that but I had a yen for it and the yen won.

So the question is (on a new topic now) is the Jan R. who supposedly lives in Daly City (Google says she does) the Jan I went to high school with and was supposed to call way back in the mid 1970's but lost her phone number and never followed up.

And why would I care?

And why would she care?

Well for one shallow thing, she was a cheerleader in high school.

For another thing, I owe her an apology.

I have a way of making people care (even if they don't really).

It probably isn't her anyway. I had heard she moved back east, got married and now goes under her married name.

The Cage

So at work we had a women who was put on a PIP (Performance Improvement Plan) back several months ago. She was given 60 days to shape up up ship put. We did everything to make sure she had a fair shake because she has one of the worst managers in the company. I met with her to tell her how this all would come down and how she had the best chance to make it through tomahawk alley.

She cried silently throughout but seemed grateful for the support.

Well, she made it though and was taken off PIP several weeks back non the worse for wear. The other day she came by and asked for a few minutes. I thought she wanted to deconstruct what had happened but that wasn't it at all. She was back to crying again because she didn't get a bonus.

Well folks on PIP's don't get bonuses.

She didn't get that at all.

The tears rolled.

I wanted to verbally "slap" her and tell her that she was lucky to have a job. I bit my lip and tongue and any other part of my mouth that would keep me from saying those words. I even sat on my hands.

I finally said those great words.

"I don't think you understand what was happening here." That was the truth. "You need to put this behind you and move on or you might find yourself back here on warning again."

Part of her warning was her poor attitude.

I could see the future. She was rotting from the inside of a mental cage that she had locked herself into while throwing away the key.

Tears were her lubricant.

Forcing Myself Out

I forced myself to go out on the roads this morning and walk and job a bit. Force is the optimal word here. I could just as easily have sat on the couch, sipping coffee and then headed on in to work. I finally got in 40 minutes with 6 minutes of running. The rest was walking. I was half-waiting for my calf muscles to knot up but it never happened. Afterward I actually stretched slightly. It's all about lengthening the calf especially on the left or south side. Stretch too vigorously and the muscle will go. Don't do anything and the muscle will go. Who knows. Do everything right and the muscle may go.

A Different Look

This isn't me. It's a photo by the Sartoriast.

http://thesartorialist.blogspot.com/

It is a possible look going forward. I don't know about the glasses. I don't really need them. Maybe I can replace his look with sun glasses. Anyway, I like the beard and the coat and the longer, tied back hair. I am not usually into a look. It's the freedom.

But not having to shave every day. No more blow drying my hair.

I am well past middle age unless of course I live until 120 (then I am middle aged). It would be good to go kicking and screaming into that night.

Drifting Like Gas

The return to work has given me perspective.

I am actually enjoying myself. We're up against it. This is the make or break year (2009). I actually enjoy being up against the wall. I admit it. My relief pitcher, come from behind, get out of jam with the bases loaded , attitude is really where I prefer to be.

How much of a role I will play is suspect. I know what I do well which is to get out in the organization, get close to the folks who are the leverage points and make the right thing happen. A thousand pushes. My strategy is not based on that one big meeting. It never will be.

Lawrence wrote in Seven Pillars Of Wisdom

Here was a pompous, professorial beginning. My wits, hostile to the abstract, took refuge in Arabia again. Translated into Arabic, the algebraic factor would first take practical account of the area we wished to deliver, and I began idly to calculate how many square miles: sixty: eighty: one hundred: perhaps one hundred and forty thousand square miles. And how would the Turks defend all that? No doubt by a trench line across the bottom, if we came like an army with banners; but suppose we were (as we might be) an influence, an idea, a thing intangible, invulnerable, without front or back, drifting about like a gas? Armies were like plants, immobile, firm-rooted, nourished through long stems to the head. We might be a vapour, blowing where we listed. Our kingdoms lay in each man's mind; and as we wanted nothing material to live on, so we might offer nothing material to the killing. It seemed a regular soldier might be helpless without a target, owning only what he sat on, and subjugating only what, by order, he could poke his rifle at.


My war, if it could be called that, is one of constant nibbling at the edges. I can do far more with a hallway conversation or a late in the day one on one than I an do with a revised policy and procedure, a compensation strategic, a cell phone or a computer. These are all necessary tools but I can't use them as much more than currency.

I have freed myself from title, pay and position (this is different than title but that is a whole other entry). I am also not attached. If the I am asked to leave then I leave. I stay because I am compelling not because they think need me.

For now I am in play. How long that will last is relative because what I do is portable.
For the moment I have access and intent, the two key elements for intervention.

The Six Dwarfs???

I walked another 60 plus minutes Friday at lunch. Beautiful day in the neighborhood (Well, the Baylands). I could feel the workload on my calf muscles. No question that 1 heel lift per shoe puts the pressure on that area of my legs. So far the soreness I feel is a good soreness. I would like it to stay that way. I need more barefoot walking and lower heel training shoes.

A surprise request to meet by He Who Must Be Obeyed. I guess in a way I am still in the tent and yet I have not sought him out. I told him very succinctly that Grumpy has way too big a job and it is showing in his general nastiness towards others who live in the Magic Kingdom. He asked me if we should work him out of the company. I said that given the potential acquisitions that there may be another role for him and that he should think of the whole picture before making that sort of move. Of course we both believe we can go it with just six dwarfs.

I debriefed my chain of command afterward.

Hi ho! Hi ho!

He Who Must Be Obeyed

He Who Must Be Obeyed and his Management Team


I have decided that if my present gig doesn't pan out long term that I will take some real time off. I am getting late in the day and "time" is becoming more important that dollars. It's not that I am unhappy. It is the opposite. For better or worse this is the place I belong (at least for now). But The Valley is struggling for revenue and we're no different. No better, no worse. It is what it is.

He Who Must Be Obeyed is charismatic but lacks the deep courage that will insure success. We did a RIF in July and again in December. Now it turns out that we may have to do another one. It's like "bleeding" a patient to make them well. That technology went out with George Washington.

The problem is that he has given too much power to The Grumpy One and the other dwarfs don't like having to take orders from him just because it so grouchy.

As for me, the options are endless:

I may stay where I am in my present position
I may end up sharing the VP duties
I may just ride it out to the end and get axed from The Magic Kingdom
I may end up VP (not a good choice)

I am not attached heavily to any of these choices. For the first time in my life as an employee (versus being a consultant) I am just enjoying the work and the people I get to work with. There is no career in the equation. That ended with TMTA some 7 years ago.

A Good Sore

Today featured a return to the great game of exercising. I went to Forbes Mill and mostly walked 66 minutes at an easy somnambulist pace. I walked over to the track, circled it a few times and finally began ten minutes of walking 100 meters, running 100 meters. A month off basically using my ass muscle as I reclined on the couch or bed at home, paid off. I felt totally weirded out. My body just didn't want to "GO" but we went anyway. Once I returned to walking I was fine.

I did this with one lift per shoe and seemed to have gotten through it all without any injury. My legs were sore but it was a good sore.

Jake and I had breakfast afterward and caught up.

A Month of Not Running

I haven't run for about a month. I am down to one heel lift in each shoe. Just made that transition this weekend. Now and then I can feel my calf's stretching when I am standing. I believe I mentioned that it is a strange feeling.

My plan:

Continue this way and start walking to see if it holds up.

Begin some very mild calf stretching. Wall pushups. Add in massage.

If I can get through all of this, I can begin to run again. No hills though. Flats for now.

It is enough

I stayed around the house today and watched the inauguration. It was history. Much has been and is now being written about it. I can write little else that would be original or new.

The first African American President.

It us enough.

The tumult and the shouting dies;
The captains and the kings depart:

There is still a job to do.

Welcome to the theater.
Now let the play begin.

The Retreat

My wonderful head cold is retreating across the tepid, California winter landscape. But now my son has it. Nice 23rd birthday present.

Sorry about that.

Thinking about running gives me a headache. A happy headache at that! When I return it will be 3 days a week. 3 days of what (????) is the question.

If I followed the recommended three day formula it would be the following.

1 day of tempo running

1 day of pace work (OK...Intervals)

1 day of running long

I can't really do any of this without first lengthening my calf muscles and achilles tendons so that they don't "pull".

During the football games today I stood barefoot feeling the stretch. I have been on two heel lifts for almost 3 weeks now. About ready to go to one heel lift.

On the other hand.....

Worked on possible chapters for Lawrence proposal. Trying to think about what will make the book unique. My perspective I guess would guess.

On January 20th 1961 John F. Kennedy was sworn in as President. Somewhere in the crowd behind him was my father-in-law Albert Rosellini who was then Governor of the state of Washington.

He told me recently that when you're a governor you get treated first class at an event this big. He is quickly closing in on 99 years old and is the oldest living governor or ex-governor in these United States. Maybe he could be forgiven for not going this year even though he could have gone if he had wanted to and probably would have received royal carpet treatment once they realized who he was. Maybe at 99 you might think he couldn't make the trip but there s little doubt in my mind that he is up to it. He just started to use a cane (reluctantly) for walking and just this past year gave up driving.

He once told his secret to living long and well.

Never take a vacation and never stop working. OH, and enjoy what you do.

He is back there in the crowd behind Kennedy (above) someplace.

Waiting for this thing to go away

Nice head cold. Started last Saturday with a slight sore throat. Moved very slowly through each phase. Now in the elongated runny nose, drip, drip section. Can't breathe through nose without drops. Drops make nose run. I sneeze a great deal. Nose plugs up. I need to use drops to breathe.

Vicious circle.

I am basically a verifiable couch potato. No walking, no running. Waiting for this thing to go away.

I will win...I think.

In the mean time I am thinking about Lawrence of Arabia for Dummies. Bert thought of the idea. He knows the head of Wylie and could get a proposal to him. Lawrence and the art of influence.

Will it fly?

4:30

Left calf goes 3 times in 2008.

Groin pull in late December.

Head cold in progress.

Woke up at 4:30 this morning coughing and draining (and did I mention coughing?)

What is my body trying to tell me?

The good news? I had coffee this morning.

NyQuil, a sip of wine (I was trying to knock myself out..Didn't work) and then a big mug of coffee. Very bizarre.

WIPE OUT

I am getting over my latest tweak of my left calf and groin strain. Both seem to be gone and now I have a cold. Things keep inserting themselves in between me and my return to exercising. The universe keeps whispering in my ear.



S T O P................S T O P.........

And then yells:

TAKE SOME TIME OFF STUPID!



Folks keep referring to me as a runner. I believe I am much closer to once a runner.



My buddy Jake (now 67) keep changing his training. He runs every day. Then he switches to every other day. Then 3 times a week. Big miles. Less miles. It all ends up in the same place.



WIPE OUT!

No Problems

Met Jake at Forbes Mill. He ran and I walked. I was out on the trails for about 60 minutes and couldn't help but throw in a few test jogs on the very flat portions. I didn't time them but if they were 50-100 meters I would be surprised.

NO PROBLEMS!

My calf and groin didn't bother me. So much of the past tweleve months has been spent coming back from injuries that the walking felt normal.In the old days it was the reverse. The walking felt weird but running was norm. Now the years of useage have crowded together to whither my legs and keep me on the bench.

I fight(s) it.

I fights it.

Not A Runner

It looks like I will be taking a full two weeks off from running and maybe more. I have removed two levels of heel lifts and am walking around without any discomfort. Now and then I can feel it in my calf's but just the stretch, not any pain.
Right?

I keep planning to walk, which is really easy to do. You just go out the door but I just seem to find something else to do. Just like cycling. The only thing I could ever force myself to do was run. If I am going to get some exercise, I need to walk.

Of course, at the moment, I have no desire to run at all which makes the whole thing simpler. Folks keep saying to me "Oh you runners," or "You runners" this or that. Right now I am not a runner. I am couch sloth of the first magnitude.

Swim, my friends tell me but I hate the pool.

Work is starting to heat up so that may become consuming is certain things fall into place.

Seeing The Future

I am not a big fan of either the Chargers or the Colts but frankly reffing aside, the Chargers played a better game on offense and defense. But it was a great day for the 5 feet 6 inchers of the world.

Sproles dominated because of a good line and his all around ability to find the daylight as they say it. Another key was the fact that the Colts lost the battle of field position allowing themselves to be buried 3 times (at least) inside their own 10 yard line and each time the Chargers got a good return and scored a TD or a field goal.

The last time was late in the game and their play calling was frankly uninspired. Two runs and a sack!

I turned to my wife and said, That's it. The Chargers will score a FG, tie it up and the game will go into OT.

The creepy part which I didn't share was that I got a flash of Sproles running into the end zone. When the Chargers won the toss I began thinking, well this was a good game but it's over! Of course there is really is no foresoothing on this one. I lucked out on my flash into the future. I mean Keith Lincoln could have hobbled down out of the stands and scored for all I knew.

Walk Before Running

I have to learn to walk before I run.

I have removed two layers of heel lifts (there were four) that I have been wearing to protect my achilles and calf's. I can feel the natural stretch whenever I walk around. I need to s t r e t c h out those muscles and tendons if I ever hope to be able to run without constant injuries.

So the first steps are simply to walk around on a daily basis and get those big tendons and muscles used to being worked. Then I can add in some serious running later on. I really have no other choice. The "let's add another heel lift" was causing things to atrophy. My range of movement was declining and I constantly was reinjuring myself. Add in ice and massage and I might have a chance.

My legs have asked for a rest

My legs have asked for a rest. First they begged (3 calf pulls surrounded by dead legged runs) and now they have insisted (groin pull, calf again). I finally hear the request even though it was less respectful than anticipated. The universe only cares when you are at the top of your game and the injury of one more over the hill, aging runner is of little consequence even to the runner himself.

I chatted with Mr. Saturday Morning, Ray just a few minutes ago. He lives down in SLO on the central coast. He is thinking about a comeback.

"Just to be in the top 5," he said. That would be enough. I thrived for years being in the top five. The group shifted over time but I stayed up there for ten years. Even at 50 I was still "up there" but it meant less by that time and I knew I had to let go. Letting go of racing is one thing. Letting go of running is another. I have been contemplating this serioulsy for quite some time. It wasn't that I was going to give up on running. I was going to take a vacation from it. But of course, in the end, I had to pushed out the door.

I am out of the running room. Out in the hallway. I hope that is enough for now.

Last run for quite a while.

I lied. I ran one more time and that was once too often. Today my legs gave out during a very easy 30 minute run. Within minutes(as if acting in concert with each other) my left calf and my right groin both pulled. My body was someplace else and it is taking the rest of me there, not where I might want to go.

The penny has dropped. It will be quite some time before I can even try running again. Walking is not an immediate alternative.

Rest and diet.

My old nemesis' from the 1960's.

Not Running (for a time)

Xmas day: Rain and wind outside. I am hunkered down for now. I haven't run since Saturday. On antibiotics just in case I have an infection of some sort. At this point resting is training as strange as that might seem.

It's not so much that I haven't run but more that I don't mind NOT running. My mind and body are elsewhere.

Touch of Something

I ran 50 minutes on Saturday but was constantly looking for a WC. Something is broken in the works. Probably a touch of the flu. I am not sure. Taking Sunday off. Will try to get into see the doctor on Monday. Maybe this is what is dragging me down.

Ringing True

The Silicon Valley Warrior wasn't very warrioring this morning. I dragged myself out for 41 minutes in between showers. The weather was warmer (high 40's) but that seemed to make no difference whatsoever. I just punked out. Yeah, I felt better over time but never good enough to justify me being out there. I think my head and body just weren't in it and one tends to follow the other. I could just as well stayed inside, had another cup of coffee and taken my time getting ready to work. Of course when I looked out the window at lunch it wasn't raining but it was windy. I am sure the Baylands would have been fun.

Bottom Line: I am not over trained and I am getting enough sleep. Either I am bonking on too few carbs or I am simply not motivated anymore. The last ring truest.

I could go to the Danny model which is running 4-5 days a week and keep the miles low. Maybe one longer run a week. He runs 3-5 miles a workout. I am not an interval sort of guy but maybe some time trials 1-2 x a week..

But nothing "has" to be done. No single workout "has" to be run.

Oops, it's too cold outside. I think I'll skip the run. I wonder how bad that could be?

Or I could just give it all a rest.

Some Progress

Went out in the clear quiet freezer quality cold of the morning and ran an easy 40 minutes. My legs felt better. The nicks and bruises and sore spots were miraculously gone. What was left was a sludge feeling like gunked up oil. I moved slowly and pathetically but somehow got out to the college and back without incident.

At lunch the temps were in the low 50's and there was a nice breeze to cool things down further but I ran a warm up loop of 12 minutes and then set off to run a time trail on the dirt, gravel bayland trail that circles the park. The course is imperfect. yes, measured years back so I know where the quarter mile marks are but still rutted and with a few gentle but insistent rollers along the way.

Nothing exciting but progress.

1:40-3:20-4:50 for 1320.

13 minute easy warm down thrown in to drain off some of the lactic acid (lol). To think I once ran sub 6 pace for 20 miles 32 years ago.

It was enough and too much

8 x 100 seems so little but it pretty much beat up my legs. I walked around Sunday evening and most of Monday with sore spots on my right hamstring and right instep and plantar. I decided to take an extra day or two off. So no running on Tuesday. We'll see about Wednesday. The weather made it easier. Cold and wet weather coming down from Palinville (oops, I mean Alaska). I looked ahead. Intermittent rain and continued cold. I have the tights out. Time to protect my legs and just get through to the spring.

Nines

Another very cold morning. High 30's with a mild but steady wind blowing. I got out before 10 AM dressed to the "nines".

1. Wool cap
2 & 3 two sets of gloves
4 socks
5 briefs
6 tights
7-8 two tops (long sleeve over short)
9 shoes

So..hence nines as in 9 items.

I ran for 25 minutes keeping the pace slow
Then I hit the track for 8 x 100 (walking back for recovery). I didn't time the first 4 but caught the last 4 in an average of 18. Then 20 minutes back to the house.

It's a battle drawn up between my will power, my aging legs and the substantial lack of desire to run especially on cold days. Today will power won.

60 minutes before the rain

Unashamedly I slept in to 7:30.

Why didn't my 6:30 AM alarm go off? Not sure. Maybe I forgot to set it.

I made breakfast though. Coffee and toast. Very ascetic.

I finally made it out onto the roads after 1 pm. Windy with rain coming in. I ran an easy 60 minutes scouting out the college track thinking to myself that this was time trial day. But it wasn't. Too windy so I bailed and kept up the slow tempo. It was just starting to come down as I hit one hour. Too late to get drenched.

I was home.

Frozen Sun

I ran twice again today. It was in the 30's when I trotted out this monrning from home. 48 minutes at a slow, easy pace.

I went out again for no good reason at lunch to burn off more calories. I ran two BIG loops which turned out to be 24 minutes. It was in the low 60's and frankly it was stark, raving perfect.

2 x 40

Doubled today running 40 frozen minutes before work and another 40 minutes during lunch. All done at a very slow pace. It's the willingness to go slow that keeps me in the game.

Smita sighting?

I got early today and ran for 50 minutes. I kept it slow. The weather was cool and slightly overcast. I may have had a Smita sighting but did not follow up.

3:08

I slept in until almost 8 AM. The day of the long knives exhausted me (I guess). I went out and had breakfast with the club and then ran in the early afternoon. Sunny with very little wind. Almost perfect.

18 minute easy warm up. Legs and that right calf felt good.

1 x 800 in 3:08 (97-91)

24 minute slow warm down.

Galloway Was Right

Galloway was right about older runners.

As you age you need less running days.

You need to take walking breaks in your daily running.

It helps to run slow. As slow as you can stand it and then some.

Gliders (or striders) are essential to keep up leg speed or turnover.

I watch my buddy Jake trying to run every day and how he bonks. His legs go dead on him. There is a day where all that stuff doesn't work. Jimbo can do it because he took much of his 50's off from running. He recovered. But for those of us who spent 40 years doing this, well the great days are over. We can stay in the game (maybe) but we need more rest and we need to put our ego's aside and just run slower. That is the price of continuing to run. Somewhere out there is an end day (the day where we stop running) so every day we can run is a gift.

An Empty Desolate Place

I met Jake at Forbes at 8 AM. I wrapped my right foot across the instep and under the arch with coban tape. We ran the first up and back in 25:44. My calf held up. We went back a second time running 25:42. I had some faint echos of tightness but no pain. My legs seem OK. I was surprised at how fresh I felt given that I had woken early at around 5 AM, an empty desolate place on the clock. Coffee had warmed me up. Amber, the wonder dog had stirred on her pillow and had stared at me sleepily and then had fallen back off with a slight but persistent snoring.

I still seem to be a runner.

Tight Calf

I ran twice yesterday in very different sort of conditions. The morning run was in a steady drizzle. I did an easy 38 minutes and noticed right off that my right calf was tight.

In the early afternoon I ran another 40 minutes. The calf seemed OK but I did have several incidents where it tightened up. Then after a few seconds it wouldn't bother me at all. Very strange. I guess that "burning" 7:06 slightly strained it.

So this is the calf that wasn't bother me. The good calf.

I massaged the heck out of yesterday whenever I got a chance. I wrapped my right instep and arch with coban tape. This often takes pressure off the calf.

My legs seem to be sending very clear messages to my brain.